Super frustrated at myself, at doctors, at insurance, at everything. I didn't get my TB test for remicade done as quickly as I should have, I take the blame for that. My insurance didn't tell my doctors till weeks later that they changed which tests they accept so I had to go get new testing done, fuck them.

I told my doctor, I'm a month and a half late at this point. I'm having a flare. They said, we want tests to prove it. I Got them done and they came back saying I'm not having a flare.... eff you! I haven't been able to eat for two weeks now, non stop diahrea for three. I can't keep enough fluids down, I'm throwing up a few times a week and zofran isn't helping. I've lost 10 lbs in less than a week.

I cried at my doctors assistant on the phone today she said, ill talk to the doctor and call you back, we probably need you to go to the er for fluids and eval. That was an hour ago, I'm still waiting to hear back.

My bf just flew out of town for work this morning, it'll be my first big hospital trip without him in 2 years. I used to do this by myself all the time, but I haven't had to since we started dating... I don't want to be alone.