So a few years ago my friend asked me to run a 5th edition 1-shot for his birthday party. I was relatively new to DND and DMing in general, as I mostly would play on roll20. Let me just clarify that I WAS NOT A GOOD DM. I had very little experience with "saying no" as you'll soon find out. This was also a group of cringey highschoolers (myself included).

For players we had a wizard gnome (the birthday kid), a barbarian dwarf, a human fighter, and rogue. Now Rogue is a furry and wanted to play a cat person rogue, so I let him play a Khajiit from Skyrim. I gave each player 45 minutes to whip up level 3 characters and a quick backstory. It should be noted that I told everyone a week ahead of time to get their characters ready so we could get started (Wizard was the only one ready). Before the game started they went around the table and told their backstories. All was fine except that Rogue spent the entire time announcing the cringiest Craig-level speech ever. He went off about how his character is the "prophet of death" and that he has a "Raven black sword that feeds on the blood of the innocent", something about being descended from dragons. He was super into Skyrim at the time and was going through a goth phase.

Anyways, after his rant we started the session. The players woke up in a prison (generic yes), shackled to the wall in different cells. I made a chart of random cell conditions and rolled to see what each player was working with. -Barbarian's cell bars were loose -Wizard had a water leak -Rogue had a spoon laying in front of him -A brick was loose between Fighter's and Rogues's cell

Barbarian immediately used his strength dump stat and asked to make a check to bend the bars to get out, he passed and was in the process of getting out. Normal DND prison break stuff. Everyone was doing normal what you'd expect things with what they had.

But this is where the story completely falls off.

Fighter: Can I reach the brick? Me: Yeah, but it's stuck in the wall. Rogue: I use my spoon to push it towards Fighter. Fighter: Okay cool, I grab the brick and sit on it. Me: Alright...so you sit on the brick. Fighter: No like, I SIT on it, it's in my ass. Me: Wait. What? Fighter: I position the brick at an angle and lean against the wall, slowly lowering myself on it, until it's inside me. Me: Uhhh make a constitution save. Fighter: How about nat 20?

The whole table bursts out laughing and I'm left with the crippling feeling that this game is about to get a lot worse. This also sparks the start of Rogue trying to copy everything anyone else is doing to get attention, so he attempts to keister the spoon but fails. After that, the players manage to get caught by a guard walking the halls from all the noise Barbarian is making breaking shackles and bending bars. Due to Rogue and Barbarian having to leave to get the pizza, I split the party and continued to play with Fighter and Wizard until they came back. Due to this, Barbarian and Rogue were dragged into the courtyard to be beaten, while I focused on the other two. At this point I can visibly see that Wizard is having a good time, and I figured that's all that mattered.

That being said, Fighter yells for the guard to come in his cell. I asked him why he thinks the guard would just walk in there for no reason, he stated "I persuade the guard to let me suck his dick!".

Again let me re-iterate, If you are a DM, don't be like I was. Some things you just need to say no.

Me: Jesus okay make a persuasion check.  Fighter: 17 Me: He looks at you and nods yes. Fighter: I go down but then shit out the brick and beat him with it. Me: Roll to hit. Take 1d4 for the brick coming out. Fighter: nat 20, I take 1 damage. Me: You knock him unconscious. Fighter: I take his clothes and disguise myself as a guard.

The other players get back with pizza and are caught up on what's been going on. Switch over to Rogue and Barbarian in the courtyard. They are brought in a line with other prisoners to the center surrounded by walls covered in archers and are awaiting their turn to be beaten. Barbarian decides to grapple a nearby guard and use them as a meat shield to protect him from arrows. He succeeds and is making his way to the exit while drawing all the fire. Rogue attempts to do the same thing and fails miserably due to his strength being 4 or 5 and rolling terribly. At this point he's SMOLDERING.

Me: You failed your check and the guard pushes you away. Rogue: OMG FUCK YOU MAN, YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING. Me: Maybe if you stopped trying to play your rogue like a barbarian- Rogue: WELL MY CHARACTER IS SUPPOSED TO BE STRONG, HE GRAPPLED A DRAGON I WROTE IT IN MY BACKSTORY.

Rogue then stood up from the table, pointed at me, and yelled "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND" and stormed off into the other room. Everyone went silent while we figured out what to do, seeing as he was going crazy out of nowhere. Wizard tried to talk to him about it, as he's a pretty easy going dude. But Rogue wasn't having any of it. I could hear him calling me a "pussy" from the other room and getting angry. I tried to stay away from him and not cause any problems. The best part was he didn't eat any pizza because "I don't want to go into the same room as him because I might punch him in the face".

We all took a break from the game for awhile and watched a movie until Rogue's mom came to pick him up. The entire night after he left everyone was making jokes and saying "you're not my friend" after anything someone said. This left Barbarian, Fighter and, Wizard as they wanted to finish the game.

We all decided that Rogue's character would be controlled by me in a NPC fashion. Resuming where we left off, Barbarian stormed back into the cell area and met up with Fighter who was in a guard uniform. Unknown to either of them, Wizard had broken out of his cell and into the guard barracks to get everyone's stuff back. He managed to steal a small cart and pull it down the hallway. Once they met up, the party made a run for the exit, Wizard being Wizard wanted to strap Rogue's character to the front of the cart and make him drag the party and all their stuff, while using his cringey backstory sword as a whip and beat him with it to make the cart move. I thought this was poetic justice and the party basically rode off into the sunset. I came to find out later that Rogue had some mental health issues due to family turmoil and he's not like that anymore. We all look back on that and laugh. Mostly at my bad DMing. Also glad to report that Barbarian and Wizard have been playing in my new campaign, without any issues and it's going very good!

TLDR: Bad DM lets player get away with engulfing a brick in his ass and another player has an outburst, leading to a satisfying ending.