I've been on reddit for a few weeks now, not really looking for anyone. Yet I can already see what other cougars are talking about.

I know this is not the place for dating advice, but the questions keep coming, and the answers are always the same. Some cougars have even taken the time to give more detailed answers, but you boys either didn't see those, or you're still not quite understanding what we mean.

So here is a way more detailed instruction manual that might help save fellow cougars the constant headache and might help cubs to have a bit more success. Yes, you boys are going to have to do some serious reading.

Cougars, please add to this whatever you feel is needed. Or correct as needed :)

Let's get started.

Rule Number One

Know what you want!!

I cannot stress this enough. Saying you want a cougar is the equivalent of you saying you want a vehicle. You do realize that there are countless types of transportation, right? So you entering vehicle into the search engine is probably not the most conducive way of finding what you want. Neither is contacting every dealer of all types of vehicles in your country (or even the world) stating you're looking for a vehicle.

Now, I realize the majority of men, especially young men, is pretty much up for anything. Got news for you boys. Cougars aren't. We've been around the block a time or two and by now, we have a pretty good idea of what we like. Most of you already know that part, hence the constant questions. But there are a few things about women that men, in general, don't seem to understand. We'll get back to that later.

For now, back to the part of knowing what you want. There are multiple parts to this. Get out a pen and a piece of paper. Write down the answers to these questions. It's time for homework.

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Part 1 - Find your target audience (the experience)

What kind of experience are you looking for?

Once again, I realize that a lof of men are pretty much up for anything. But this doesn't help the cougar looking for a specific cub. What. Do. You. Want? Is it a one-night-stand or fling or simply the fulfillment of a fantasy? Do you mainly want casual sex, but repeated encounters? Do you mainly want a friends-with-benifits type of situation? Do you want to date casually? Do you want an actual monogamous relationship? Do you want something even more serious and long-term?

I understand that you might be looking for a one-night stand and end up falling in love and getting married. Or want a serious LTR but be open to a one-night stand. But what is your MAIN goal?

That is the very first thing you need to establish. What do you actually want out of this experience?

Your online profiles or even simple messages clearly need to reflect your MAIN goal. If you do want something serious, don't feel like you need to act all cool and tough. If you want love and affection, make that clear. Likewise, don't pretend to want something more if you're looking for straight sex. We're not 20-year olds. We're too old for playing games. If a cougar likes you but wants something other than your main goal, she will probably check to see if you would be interested in something else. But leave that part up to her. Don't think you're going to miss out on sex because you stated LTR. If she wants you, she'll see if you're up for it.

Part 2 - Find your target audience (the cougar)

We already know that you want a vehicle/transportation. But what KIND? A sports car? A truck? A luxury sedan? An SUV? A jeep? A minivan? Something small and good on fuel? A dirtbike? A Harley? A sports spike? A freaking tractor? How about a train? A bus? A combine harvester? Or maybe a moped?

Yes, cougars come in all of those varieties. What we're not is mindreaders.

Nothing makes me roll my eyes like hearing you want a cougar. Ok. So, you're looking for a human. Preferably of the female variety. That really narrows things down.

Even if she IS looking for a cub, how will she know if she fits any of YOUR criteria? I know you're young and you mean well. And it's kind of flattering and sweet to see that you're in awe of an older woman and want one. But, come on! Give a cougar something to work with!

Having reached a certain age, we're no longer interested in being a man's "anything will do". You might want to post this on your bathroom mirror or your computer screen, and repeat it every day.

So, what is it that you picture when you think cougar? Stifler's mom/the MILF? A super sexy woman? A hot woman? An elegant, classy woman? A simple girl-next-door in an older version? A mother figure? A teacher? A woman with an elevated lifetstyle or one with simple tastes? A woman who really has her life together or one who might still be struggling, but getting by? A woman who's still a child at heart or the more serious type? A country girl or a city slicker? Highly romantic, cuddly, passionate or rough, primal fuck?

Short, tall, skinny, BBW, petite, larger frame? Very feminine, more masculine, or the healthy middle? More dominant, more submissive. Mid-range?

How about her style? Heels and evening dress, hot and sexy, jeans and t-shirt, sports wear? Which one would be your first pick? Which one would make you feel the most comfortable? Which one appeals to you the most when it comes to things you like?

Or how about one very important detail: Single only? Married/SO, cheating? Married/SO open relationship? All?

Give us some details!

I know, you're men. As long as she's attractive enough and nice enough, anything will do. SEE ABOVE! We're no longer interested in being a man's anything will do. A lot of cougars have spent a lot of years trying to please a man sexually, emotionally, and every other possible way. We're no longer interested in catering to just a man's desires and needs. Especially when it comes to sex, the roles are now reversed. You're catering to her fantasies (don't worry, it's not as scary as it sounds). But this applies also to relationships. That being said, we also care about what you want. So it's important for us to find someone we can have a mutually beneficial relationship or encounter with. Preferrably without trying too hard or having to go out of our comfort zones.

Now that you've (hopefully) narrowed the list down a bit (I'm assuming we're down to about half the world's human female population), let's make it a little bit smaller yet.

What kind of personality draws you the most? Strong, powerful? Soft, feminine? Bubbly? Serious? Introvert or extrovert? Bookworm, nerdy, geek? Confident? Shy? Take charge or follow? Adventurous? Reserved? Eager to try new things or prefers to stay in her comfort zone? World travel or considers the next town over a grand road trip? Spontaneous or a planner? Get your hands dirty or hire people for that? Manicure and hairstylist or ponytail, homemade color, and dollar store nail clippers? Etc.

Let me guess. Your mind just went blank. Men of all ages generally don't consider this too much. That's why they're having such a hard time dating. So I highly suggest that you spend a good bit of time picturing the type of person that you would feel really comfortable with. Write down what comes to mind. Personality only. Not interests.

And yes, to further narrow down the list (hopefully we're down to around a quarter of the world's human female population by now), here comes the interests.

What you focus on here is your own core values, core interests, and ideal core lifestyle (you might not be able to live it right now, but it makes all the difference).

What is the main core that your lifestyle evolves around? Why does this matter? Go back to the vehicle analogy, you'll have your answer. You don't seriously expect the cougar who has the door to her luxury car opened by a valet to climb into your muddy pick-up truck, do you? And don't think that outdoorsy jeans and t-shirt girl will go anywhere near your luxury upholstery with her dirty hands and clothes. The woman passionate about conservation will give your gas-guzzler of an SUV a dirty look. The compact hybrid would have impressed her. Get my drift? You might not think that it's all that important if you're just looking for sex. But it is. Whether looking for a relationship or just for sex, the cougar is looking for a certain experience. Who you are needs to match this!

Who is the woman you'd be the most comfortable around? The one whose core lifestyle or values match yours the best? Here are some ideas: Casual dining, beach bar, high-class restaurants, BBQ? Finger food or fine dining? Natural parks, zoos, historical sites, beaches, farmer's markets, arts and crafts and food festivals, anything outdoors? Couch potato, hang around the house? Classy/elegant or comfortable? Travel often on weekends or relax at home? City life or country girl? Operas, musicals, elegant events? Animal lover, involved or passionate about causes? Career or money oriented or interest oriented? High energy lifestyle or laid-back, casual? Loves kids or doesn't like them? Has kids or not? Religious/spiritual/faithful or atheist? Conservative leaning or liberal leaning ? Self-improvement or come as you are? Yoga and health food or burgers and fries? Loves to get her hands dirty or prefers to hire someone to do the dirty work?

What do you do the most in your spare time? What is important to you? What are you passionate about? What do you want to experience before you die? What is your ideal date? What is your ideal way of spending time with her (outside of sex, boys!! focus!)? You don't have to go into too many details. Just the very base core.

Once you put all of that together, you're starting to have a general picture of what kind of cougar you're actually looking for. Yes, it narrows down your options. But as it stands right now, you're sending 1000 messages and getting no replies. Certain fish need a certain lure. You can't just wiggle any worm at them (pun intended).

Your online profiles or even simple messages clearly need to reflect the TYPE of cougar you're looking for.

Part 3 - Sexual compatibility

Whether you're looking for a one-night stand or marriage, this is a MAJOR part. I realize that - being younger men - your experience might be limited or even non-existent. But here too, every person has a main core that doesn't change all that much over time. We can expand on it, we can play with other things from time to time, but the core doesn't change.

Once again, what are you looking for in a cougar? Do you want her to be dominant and take charge? Do you want her to gently guide or teach you? Do you want her to want you to be in charge? Do you want it to be pretty equal? Do you want her to be adventurous, the type who pushes limits or more reserved? Do you want her to be patient or demanding?

How about the experience? Rough, hard, primal? Dominant/sub either person in charge? Gentle, loving? Serious, passionate? Fun, playful? Exploratory or vanilla? Yes, you can mix certain elements. Others, not so much. Do you want a lot of feedback or instruction? Or subtle ways to let you know something is good? Would you prefer to talk about the experience after to see what you can improve or was good? Do you enjoy dirty talk or hate it?

Are there any kinks you specifically want to explore? Any kinks you want her to be into? How open are you to experiencing things out of the vanilla (doesn't have to be drastic)? How open do you want her to be? Do you have any absolute no's?

If you're looking for sex only, what is your goal/fantasy? Do you want to be a bull to cuckold couple? Fulfill a mommy fantasy? Fuck a MILF to scratch it off your list of things to do? Worship an older woman? Give someone a good pounding? Have a romantic or passionate night? Is cheating/open relationships a yes or a no? Is it a fetish or simply attraction? Are you looking to fulfill a kink? Do you want to learn and be taught? A simple casual encounter? Short term, long-term, one-night, FWB? Do you lean toward being more serving, more receiving, or very mutual?

I know, those can overlap. Once again: MAIN goals. Pick the one that represents you the best!

Yes, you want a little bit of everything. But, really! Give a cougar some idea of what she's working with! (this should be the theme banner for cougar subreddits) And no, I don't mean the equipment! Save that for when she asks you to see it. Equipment doesn't tell her jack shit about what you are like in bed. Unless she's a size-queen or particularly looking for a big cock (or runs from something too big), your equipment is pretty irrelevant. Sorry to break it to you guys.

One more thing: Since you're dealing with an older (and hopefully more mature) woman, be honest and communicate about things that you're not sure about or are afraid of. This could be as simple as you stating that you're worried about pleasing her, or that you don't know how to do certain things, or something more drastic, like trauma, bad experiences, anxiety (about performance or otherwise), etc.

Yes, a lot of cougars want a take-charge, confident man in bed. But a truly confident man knows his limits and has no issue admitting to them. Even if she does want a take-charge guy, the confident man might say "I'll give it my best try". That's all she wants. It doesn't have to be perfect, especially not the first time. It takes a while to get a good feel for each other in bed. And the fact that he's confident enough to try and confident enough to admit that it might not be perfect is super hot!

Either way, there is NOTHING worse than a man who brags about his skills! Because 99 out of a 100 times, they're not all that good. Even if they were good for other women, they might not work for her.

What a cougar wants most in bed, no matter what type of cub she's looking for, is a willingness to please and learn, And by willing to please I don't mean desperately overeager. Just willing, he cares about her pleasure and shows it. Even if she wants a take-charge man, she wants him to be willing to learn how SHE wants to be taken charge of. So don't mistake dominance for equalling know-it-all.

Once again: Your profile or message needs to reflect what kind or sexual experience you're looking for (both the cougar and the experience itself) if you're looking for just sex. VITALLY important.

Even if you're looking for a relationship, you need to know what your sexual baseline is. You can give mild hints of that in online profiles or messages. MILD!

On a side note: Birth control needs to be discussed. And accidents can happen. Before you do anything, make sure your ideals of what happens in case of accidental pregnancy align!

If you've done your homework, you should have a general, but rather good picture of exactly what kind of cougar you are looking for. And you learned three things:

1 - clearly let cougars know exactly what you're looking for in general. You MAIN goal.

2 - clearly let cougars know exactly what type of cougar you're looking for

3- if you're looking just for sex, clearly let cougars know what type of experience you're looking for. If you're looking for a relationship, give mild hints of your preferences. Especially if they're out of the vanilla/equal base.

That's it for Part One. Part Two (knowing your cougar's wants, likes, and needs) coming soon if there's interest.