Hello, a little backstory, I am a 26 year old man and recently I've been going through an incredibly healing experience. I was able to grieve a lot of the trauma and injury I felt since childhood, because I think I was able to build a strength to be able to be there for myself and feel that pain. It was a long process that sorta lead me there, and after I realized what I wanted in my relationship and what I didn't. I know for sure I don't want children, since there is still so much healing to do, and I also don't want to be with someone who has children, or at least not ones she is still raising, where I could get in the way. I am pretty sure I was able to figure this all out because healing your ancient injury connects you to your emotions on a much deeper level.

During the past two years I have been in a very bad on and off relationship with a very unhealthy girl in her early 20s, and ever since I had this healing experience, I don't see a reason why I should be with her again. In the end, what I wanted for her, to wake up from her unconscious behavior, happened, and the rivers are now parting.
Since I was in the last phase of my education, I felt I was able to start a relationship where I would be more of the "leader" or teacher. Of course the teacher also learns during it, but it is always a bit slanted.
Now that I'm starting to get my career into gear, I feel like I am not in a place to be a leader in a relationship again. I actually chatted with another younger girl who found me, and we developed strong feelings for each other, but realize it would not be possible so we parted.

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This sparked in me a desire for a new type of relationship:

I have thought, in this time in the beginning phase of my career, it would be possible for me to have a relationship where I would be more of the student than the teacher. I would like to find a woman more emotionally mature than me, who has experienced her own growth and healing, who can show me the ropes of what this self feels and lives like.
I feel it would be better to go for this type of relationship right now, and in a way it makes sense to me that she is someone who is sort of cruising on the success of her career, and now having more time and energy to invest into other things, like a relationship. Like I mentioned, to me having children is a no go, since I am entirely focused on growth and healing, cultivating and learning, becoming whole.

I'm wondering, does that exist? Am I imagining some type of phantom? I've been chatting with a bunch of older women online, and looking for more places in person, but I find it is quite hard to find. Maybe this will change depending on who I find, but I don't want a marriage or a partner for life, I feel there are different phases of life where certain relationships are best suited for the continued growth of each other. So I imagine such a relationship might last a few years at most?

Does anybody relate to what I am looking for?