Sometimes I browse dating apps, just to see who’s out there. Not because I’d really do anything about it, as I’m more into online chat and sexting really.

Anyway, I saw a profile named ‘toilet’ and their picture was just an actual toilet. So I messaged out of curiosity asking ‘where do you live’ and they replied pretty quickly: exactly the very same Yorkshire village that I’m in. Within like 1 mile.

This shocked me so much that I was terrified to reply or do anything about it. They’re also not my preferred gender, so that add to it. But now I’m wondering who it could be, and who am I seeing who’s walking around and basically into what I’m into.

So there’s a lesson here: they could be closer than you think!