In "Twilight" there was a description of egalitarian sex, as opposed to the power-centered sex we all are used to, that stuck out to me. Now, I don't personally believe sex should have to be between people who are the same, in terms of gender, class, race, or anything else, but the idea of being naked and holding onto your partner while whispering compliments and having a general intercourse (hehe) of thoughts sounds really intimate and fulfilling. If that was the kind of sex that I had heard about, maybe I wouldn't have put myself in so many dangerous situations hoping to be validated and fulfilled.

It helps in the sense that I never really understood traditional sex at all- I don't get how it feels intimate, it just leaves me empty. Part of that is trauma-related, but another part is I just don't find it that interesting. Power-centered sex and kink is fun to watch and consume through media, but I don't enjoy it much in real life, as much as I wanted to enjoy it.

Learning about this notion of egalitarian sex is really transformative, and I wonder if any other asexuals who watched the video resonated with aspects of that idea. I do want to be "destroyed" and reformed as part of a new whole, as integrating another person into one unit, but I don't want to experience penetration or metaphysical violence in order to do so. I want to fuse unconventionally, so if anyone has any ideas on egalitarian sex or any thoughts on this issue in general, please share 'em!