I wrote this post earlier today and deleted because of anxiety. Trying to rewrite my thoughts and propose an argument, though I'm especially drawn to hearing more from other gay women everyone is more than welcome to join in. This last tangent was one of my fav works from Natalie. I saw some discussion on it here but none specifically for us, so thought to try and create a lil space.

First, I wanted to say I didn't know about the identification part of the theory and it kind of unlocked some stuff on me. I've been rewatching the tangent a couple of times over the last few days and trying to read Mulvey's work, any suggestions are deeply appreciated. This made me figure out that most of my transness might be more closely related to this experience of trans identification, rather than body dysmorphia. Besides that, I thought about all the songs I love that are about desire, written by women but as men. My original post said to send me some song recs, you nerds, and I stand by that - I may or may not already have a playlist dedicated to this

I also thought about the question Contra makes about how different is desire for women vs. gay men. It reminds me of when an ex told me that she started exploring sexuality by looking up porn of gay men. I think this is pretty common for us, but in this case it ended up in extremes of dysphoria and body dysmorphia, she tried to transition for a brief while before finally overcoming the fear of "female" sexuality. She grew up extremely religious and in a super controlled environment. yay, lesbians...

Which brings me to the third point, that is abandoning the term lesbian once and for all. Ladies, enbies and guys, am I crazy if every time I hear it I imagine the amount of data that exists in the planet tagged to this word? What are the chances that I'm being read in a decent way when saying it? Let's call it a reverse coopting of the word, and we leave it to all the Drakes out there