I've had severe mental illnesses since I was a child. I started having suicidal ideation at 7 years old, started self harming at 11, and first attempted at 13. I can't even explain how many times I've tried and how many NDEs I've had. I have died before as well. For the last 9 years, ever since I was able to get out from under my family's medical neglect by getting my own insurance, I've been working on my Psychiatric and physical health. It took 9 years of medication combinations and dangerous side effects and going through endless treatments and therapies and inpatient facilities and psych wards and medical stabilization centers and intensive outpatient programs, but as of 2 months ago, I have NOT had ANY suicidal ideation. I SEE A FUTURE WITH ME IN IT. I swore I'd be dead by 16 then 18 then 25 and now? I see myself in it.

1/1/21 is the day I got off the streets, got sober, cut ties with everyone, and worked entirely on myself and especially worked on being okay with being alone and just having my service dog for company. I finally made my own safe space and buying things that I like and making my room into what what makes me comfortable and happy. Before last year, I never bought anything materialistic and kept my hand me downs. I guess I was setting the seeds for living. I just didn't know it then.

I can honestly say that I don't get lonely most of the time, but I knew 29 was going to be special. 29 is the year that I WANT TO LIVE. I've felt so pathetic that I posted on both nextdoor and r/randomactsofcards for people to send me cards that I can put on my positivity wall. But,.I want just ONE person to say "I see you. I know your struggles. You clawed your way here and you made it to the summit".

So, CLI5, can I get some love? It's my birthday today and not a single person has said happy birthday to me.

Edit: I'm literally speechless from the amount of support this post got. Between this post and people on Nextdoor, you all made my birthday the best one I've ever had. I'll try to respond to comments as today progresses. Thank you all again.