I do it because I'm comfortable with the way my skin looks: red, purple, bruised and inflamed.

I do it because I can't imagine the power that comes with clear skin.

I do it because I'm afraid of the opportunities that will come, the bridges I'll have to cross as someone who doesn't spend every waking moment worrying about the way their skin looks.

I do it because I have a deep-seated self-loathing, because I have been in this position for so long, because I'm not ready for change and for my life to finally turn around for the better. I'm too scared and I'm too deep in my self-hatred.

But I will change. It may take years. But I will one day see that person with a clear complexion and fading scars, I'll look her in the eyes and think of me, as I am today, looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but a failure.