Should I though? My friend really wants me to, and they’ll let me in even though I’m late (granted it’s because quote “We need more boys”). I got to go to a practice and she was really happy that I was there, and I felt like I did okay, they said I was picking everything up really easy and was doing very well for a first timer, but I felt like I was just- being a mimic of everyone else there. That my heart wasn’t fully in it.

When I told her that and that I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to join, and more importantly that my dad would probably A. Not let me, or B. Basically bully me (More like tease, it’s not too serious I think DW) for the rest of HS because of it oof-. There’s also the fact I’m the only guy there if I join, or at least the only one I know of/currently, also don’t like the idea that I can join late (only 2 weeks but still) pretty much because I’m the only guy who asked, I t just don’t feel right.

But I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings by not joining. I was really hoping I’d suck at it so can just lean on that and there’d be no hard feelings, but she saw how well I did and heard the coach keep putting me on the spot because of it so I can’t even lie and just say I wasn’t good enough… and I hoped maybe it wasn’t fun to me, but looking back on it that practice was pretty fun and I miss being around ppl like that because I was in regular marching band before (Pitt/Precussion) before lockdown and that little community was really fun to be a part of, but this time I’d be even more on the outskirts because my main “Unit” would be all girls with me as the only guy.

Maybe I’m just trying to justify and reason to fully commit just so I have an excuse to hang out with my friend a lot … it’s all just really confusing.