My wife and I (both 34) were pretty set on never getting pregnant so about 6 years ago I got snipped. We told ourselves if we wanted a child we could always adopt. Fast forward and now she's seeing all her friends having babies and she wants one too. She regrets the vasectomy and wants me to get it reversed, but I'm glad I got it done tbh. In the face of collapse, we're about to sell our home in Arizona and move to Virginia to start an off-grid eco-village in the pursuit of a more resilient life. I'd love to make this place kid-friendly so it's attractive to families who want a similar lifestyle but maybe this is just a pipe dream. I just can't bring myself to have a child with their future being so uncertain and I'm also worried that a child now could derail our long term goals. I'd be happy to father a child once our trajectory is more optimistic, but by then I know it'll be too late for a safe pregnancy and we're coming to realize that adopting is prohibitively expensive.

Every time she laments about wanting a baby, all I can do is remind her of why I got snipped in the first place and that this isn't what I want either. Our hands are tied because the world is falling apart around us and having a child now is just selfish (I don't say it so harshly ofc). Needless to say those conversations don't end on a positive note but I'm just not sure how to balance sensitivity with realism. There's just no way to spin this in a good way.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for with this post. Partly venting. Partly looking for advice. Anyone know of affordable ways to adopt that we might not have considered?

#ignoranceisbliss