Erase preconceptions; it's not what you imagine. Rather than a grand Roman orgy, Colette involves regular people engaging in sex at various times and places in the club. The rest of the space is a club for mingling and dancing.

Diverse attendees of all ages, shapes, and preferences wear a range of outfits, from casual to dressed-up. People change clothes to suit different moments. Various appearances mix due to different timing; midnight is typically busy. No body-shaming; all body types, even trans individuals, are embraced.

The club itself is laid out in an upstairs/downstairs separation, where the downstairs is very much like a dance club with a dance floor, dj, vignette seating for groups, bar top tables in one area, and a bar that serves set ups. Upstairs is where a majority of the play happens.

Play areas vary from private to open, with options in between. Colette leans towards voyeurism more than swinging. It's easier to observe than to connect. Three lockable rooms offer privacy, with different bed configurations, including one with one-way glass. A king-size round bed is openly visible. An adult theater has pleather sofas for playing. The main sex space has six beds with curtains offering privacy options: fully private, watched but not engaged, or open for others to join.

Wednesday-Friday it’s open admission (single guys pay an ass-load more but can get in). Saturdays it’s couples/throuples only, so close to 50-50.

The weeknights are more sparsely attended and with fewer people, even one or two single guys can be overwhelming. When there are a hundred people there, you wouldn’t notice them, but they do change the vibe—especially if they approach and ask to join. There is a literal line they are not supposed to cross and most respect it, but the brain only works for so long when there a naked people around—occasionally they are like slobbering dogs at the edge of the table, waiting for a food scrap to drop. It can be intimidating but usually a direct NO suffices. Unfortunately, it’s part of the deal there. And LOTS of people DO take them up on their offer.

You shouldn’t feel encroached upon or pressured. But nor should you feel like someone asking to join, if you have the curtains open is out of place. Closed-sheer-curtain means no approaching but yes to watching. Closed-black-curtain means total privacy, at least from the non-participating men.

I suggest not being afraid to use one of the private spaces or asking people to give you some more space.

That being said, inviting someone in is not as simple as exposing yourself to the first available stranger. There is an etiquette that people follow: someone would stand at the edge of the bed, clothed, and ask if you’d like some company or if they could touch, and if the couple is amenable, they would invite you in and you would negotiate limits and secure consent. In my experience, it is more likely that the people in the adjacent bed are inclined to ask if they can participate/invite you into their space. I have found myself in a seven person orgy, in that very way. Equally possible, couples will never interact, but still be able to see, smell, and hear the sex all around them, which is a gigantic turn on!

The chances of meeting someone downstairs and transitioning into upstairs are very possible, but requires some initiative. One of the club rules, is that the first move be made by the woman — they don’t want every couple being hit upon by men who are playing the odds with everyone and making the place feel gross. So, to make that happen as a couple, you simply have to take the initiative of approaching another couple and asking if they’d like to chat or have a drink. It’s BYOB, and most people will have their own with them.

In the lifestyle, there are a few different styles or limits to swinging such as Full swap, soft swap, same bed/same partner. When you are meeting someone for the first time, asking if they’d like to share a bed but be with their same partner is a good way to start and can often open the door for more as familiarity increases.

On safe sex: It’s up to you to decide what level of safety you want and what you want to reveal to others. There’s no screening involved. It should be part of a conversation that involves boundaries and consent. Too often, that conversation happens on the fly as a strangers connect once the clothes are off. This is a good reason to begin the conversation downstairs instead of at the edge of the bed.

I have had sex with strangers but always with a condom for penetration. I roll the dice, so to speak, on oral sex.

I have a copy of my clean bill of health on my phone, but no one has ever asked for it.

They do have condoms and lube throughout the club, next to every bed at no charge.

As a first timer, there’s a membership application that you can fill out ahead of time. After that, you give your ID at the door and pay the fee for the night—it ranges from $30/couple to $100 on the busiest nights.

They have three wristbands: VIP, regular member, and newbie. The only restriction I’ve ever seen is on a crowded weekend night, they will reserve some seats for VIPs. The vip status is just for the people with a yearly membership (not ACTUAL vips). I’ve never noticed anyone being treated any differently as a newbie.

But people often don’t know what to do. Unless you’ve been before, you are probably shy and/or unsure of how/who to approach. In an attempt to keep it from being creepy, they’ve programmed patrons that the women should be the ones who initiate conversation. But this is counterintuitive to the nature of a women who is more reserved, modest, and wants to be chased!😂

The reality is: 99% of the time, the other people are also too nervous to approach others, and sometimes people feel they are being ignored or doing something wrong. It just takes a willingness to put yourself out there.

That being said, it’s really not difficult to say hello to other people and break the ice. You just have to be respectful. Know what your boundaries are and what you’d like to accomplish. Approach someone and ask downstairs if someone would like join you for a drink. Have a chat. And then ask if they’d like to walk through the upstairs with you. If you are feeling it, hop in a bed!

Like all of “the lifestyle” there are a bunch of configurations of what people want—ie look but don’t touch, same bed but your own partner, swapping, oral-only swapping, bi-play, threeways only, etc. —and there’s no outward symbol like a cigarette lighter or pineapple to be used here.

Some other elements to complete the scene: In general, the lighting is dim. There are towels to clean up. There are lockers to store your stuff. There is a staff that changes the sheets between uses. There are condoms and lube at every station. They have themed nights they hope to have people participate in, but more often than not, there’s no reward or incentive for dressing up. At least quarterly, there are special events put on by outside groups, such as the BDSM groups or hosted events by different swinger communities.