At school, whoever I'm friends with / try to become friends with, I end up getting obsessed with them. Always thinking about them. I'm trying to figure out why I'm like this.

I'll enter the class, and wonder if my friend saw me or if we can sit together - everyday. I want to spend whatever available time there is at school with them. Sometimes they use their phone - which makes sense, but I end up feeling hurt (even though I know I shouldn't be, I'm not entitled to anyone's time and everyone needs their own time). I realized it's not normal since he'd often tell me to get some stuff downloaded on my phone to use when I'm free.

I crave attention and connection. I've been neglected and lonely throughout my life. How do I heal from this? I don't think it's healthy to obsess over people so much, it's certainly led to disappointment and hurt already. It could also be a BPD thing since sometimes I switch from idealization to devaluation.

I'm trying to make friends and set boundaries (mostly for myself) to try and heal from unhealthy attachment. I think I have a fear of abandonment too, since I've been dreading the end of the school from the start as we will separate then. This is two years in advance, btw. I felt this way for my last friend group as well.