I'm a few months post break up of a relationship in which I became really codependent and it was overall not a healthy relationship for either one of us. I've been spending a lot of time on my own, and even having short situation-ships, looking to just have fun and maybe learn something. But I have noticed that as I've had these relations I would have infatuation bubbles that would last until some mindset shift or event would happen that would burst the emotional attachment and glorifying of them. Recently I joined a hookup app and allowed myself to talk to multiple people. I ended up finding one guy in particular though who I really enjoyed talking to and we clicked really quickly. We had very similar vibes and interests, and are very compatible sexually. He is also just fresh out of a relationship, so we're taking things slow and not putting on pressure for a relationship. He also lives a few hours away, which would make a relationship a little harder.

Unfortunately I've really felt my inner child and my codependency begin to flare up and act out as I've been getting anxious trying to read into every little text and wanting so desperately for him to like me and want to be with me. I feel like I am really over-glorifying him, but at the same time he really is a good guy and I really enjoy my time with him. I really don't want to mess things up or lose him, because I really would like to see us go somewhere. I began to find myself wanting to go above and beyond for him to do meaningful things like give him a gift or watch his favorite anime. And I just kind of have been realizing how much I am obsessing over whether he likes me or not. Sometimes when we are talking I will all of the sudden feel really anxious and like I've overshared or said too much or when the conversation gets dry or I don't know what to say I get really anxious about it. I've been trying so hard to sit with my inner child and comfort myself and reassure myself and refrain from obsessing over the small details, even pushing myself to do more things that pleasure me or take up my time so I'm not just sitting waiting for him to text, but I still feel so scared and anxious in my core. I really do not want to make the same mistakes I made with my ex, and I want to be able to really enjoy this relationship without mixing in my terrible trauma responses.

What can I do to stop glorifying him so much without losing all of my emotional attachment? How can I further work with myself to stop this? Even though I logically want to stop and have been preventing myself from asking for validation or reassurance directly, the feelings and triggers just continue to pop up. It just gets to a point of feeling like the anxiety won't leave me and my body is just shaking from my elevated heartrate. I feel like I just need to trust him, trust what he says and not worry about anything unless he tells me there is something to worried about. But I find that so hard because I've been built to people please and seek out any possible problem that I can fix. I seek out every little nuance so that I can try to keep the peace or so that I can try to understand the other person. I don't want to do that this time.

I'm also still struggling a lot to trust myself, which makes this even scarier because now I'm scared that I am subconsciously love bombing or manipulating him into liking me by mirroring more of his personality and wanting to do those over the top extra steps to get him to like me. Such as watching his favorite anime unprovoked and making a gift and offering to make all the food for our picnic date. This connection is again really really important to me and I really don't want to mess it up. I'm also really nervous to accept we may not end up together. Even though he likes talking to me and everything we could end up just friends with benefits, and part of me is okay with that, but then part of me really isn't. I don't want him to want me just for sex, I want the relationship, the cuddles, the sweet things, the being good friends and doing life together. and that scares me that I want him to love me and I want to be in a relationship with him, because then I once more feel like I will manipulate or coerce him into being in one with me or something? I just feel scared and I'm not sure how to handle it on my own. I'm sorry that this is probably all over the place, but please, if you have any advice for me please let me know. Thank you for reading <3