My ex (22M) and I (23F) broke up 2 months ago after 2 years together. He’s an alcoholic (though he didn’t share that with me until 1.5yrs in) who promised to enter recovery and to get sober for me, but of course he didn’t really, and then, while breaking up with me, blamed me for not being able to fully maintain his sobriety (he kept smoking a ton of weed) during the last 6 months of our relationship. I’m still reeling from that, while also missing our friendship (which makes me feel so stupid). But now that I’ve had space and time, I think about the things I put up with even before he came clean about his alcoholism (which got worse during the pandemic, so I didn’t know about it because we were long distance for most of 2020) and I’m so sad and ashamed. He violated so many of my boundaries, including sexual ones, especially while drunk. He could be very forceful and, at times, a little scary when intoxicated. He was super forgetful, often inconsiderate, emotionally unavailable, and manipulative and I can’t believe I just allowed someone to walk all over me like that. Obviously this situation exacerbated my underlying codependent traits (because we started living, and, thus, quarantining together) and I realize how bad things got, to the point where I was super depressed, developing an eating disorder, insomnia, etc. Then he broke up with me, calling my Depression “suffocating” (as if his addiction hadn’t sucked the life out of me) and, after months of emotionally isolating me with his secret, he finally opened up to some of our mutual friends about being an alcoholic, after I had begged him to do that during the last 6 months of our relationship so that I wouldn’t have to bear the burden of it by myself. I know I need to move on without expecting an apology, but it’s super hurtful that he just gets to live his life and move on as if he didn’t fundamentally hurt someone who at least tried to be there for him during one of the lowest points in his life. Like, for him to have dumped a bunch of blame on me has been so painful, especially because I’m gonna have to work through so much pain and baggage that will likely never be acknowledged by the person who put me through it. I know that I need to work through why I allowed myself to put up with so much pain because that’s what it means to heal from your codependency, but it’s just so painful to feel so much anger and bitterness coming from him towards me, when I really did try my best in a situation I didn’t sign up for, wasn’t prepared for, and only really found out about when I was in way too deep (because he was so functional and good at hiding it most of the time). I’m just hurting :(