Hello everyone, sorry for the formatting, I’m on mobile. This is going to be a little long, sorry.

My SO have been dating for two years now, we’ve had our ups and downs, but despite those we decided to move in together. I have known for a while that he was codependent as well as ADHD and so I had to remind him of things, help him with things and be the shoulder for him to cry on when he was overwhelmed (which I am ok with in moderation). Everything was good until we put down the holding deposit, he seemed somewhat excited and happy to look at apartments and we were weighing options before the sign.

After signing I went into searching for things to fill our apartment on letgo and other apps so we wouldnt have to pay after the move and jeopardize money at the time, since I am a planner. Everything I did he would double and triple guess and would make it seem like I was crazy and shouldnt even be looking. He was very unsupportive and would make passive aggressive comments when I would run things by him (which I did for everything I bought). As we get closer to move in it got more and more frustrating and we were both getting unhappier it seemed. We started fighting again and what not.

It took him a few days before the move in date to even start packing which made me mad and I had communicated that with him. He gave me the excuse of, “Everything is overwhelming and I still need to clean my room.” A little context, it was terrible, you couldnt see the floor anywhere, not even under his desk. There were staples and screws and nails on the floor, which I have had a few of each in my foot before. The last time “we” cleaned it I had done most of it while he tried to “not have a breakdown” because it was “too much”. I.e. sitting in another room playing on his phone or watching tv.

So this time around I tell him it has got to be different, he says it will be. For about the first few days it is. Then he is stepping out of the room every 5 minutes and not helping again, I myself have anxiety and depression so I know personally about every thing being overwhelming but he would try to break down over the smallest thing. It was getting super annoying. So I, again, clean most of the room. We’re moved in now but he has still not packed everything, I told him after the move in date I was no longer helping, so he stopped packing after.

We have a dog, if we’re home I usually have to watch her while he does whatever he wants, she’s still potty training so she has some accidents on my watch from time to time. However, if he’s home alone she has so many accidents that our carpet is almost constantly wet. He started crying over a bug in the house and acted like it was the end of the world which, with going fulltime with work and coming home, being the only one unpacking and watching the dog I kind of blew him off. Which, I’ll admit was kind of harsh but I couldnt take another meltdown honestly. I had my first day off since we moved in and she didnt have one accident before I left to run errands.

I spent all day at my parent’s house doing laundry (besides getting a locksmith to get into my car for my keys and trying to get a copy made after). I get home around 11pm and he has done nothing but sleep since he got home and hasnt given our dogs her medicine, telling me he thought that I would. I told him I wasnt and that he could when I started to unpack laundry. He was holding her, after waking her up and let her on the floor so I asked for him to take her outside. He didnt listen and she ended up peeing on the couch. I had to clean up most of it off the couch and floor and then he took her outside when I was putting clothes etc. Away.

We got into another fight tonight when I tried to tell him that I felt like I was doing the majority of the work in the house and it was overwhelming me. He kept fighting me on it by saying he was the only one who has done the dishes, which is false, then telling me how things are”supposed to be”. This is the first time we’ve both moved out. Idk what to do. Do you guys think I’m acting crazy? Or are my feelings justified? I honestly feel a little gas lighted whenever we fight because for the most part he doesnt seem so see what he does wrong and tries to play victim. It’s just getting old.