I have to listen to friend complain to our mutual friends how “abusive” and “awful” the ex is and how horrifically the marriage ended but I’m sworn to secrecy by her as she is secretly banging him on the side. When this gets out I don’t want to be blamed by the other friends. I don’t like being the only one who knows this but I also think it’s ridiculous because she continues to actively talk about his alcoholism and shame him in front of others but when it’s just the two of us she’s all lovey about him and it’s ridiculous.

Is she doing this because she can’t let go? Is codependent? Needing some advice on her mental state . Is this the right feed ?

Thanks

Update: thank you for the responses, I was able to get the courage to express to my friend how putting me in the middle of this nonsense isn’t fair and I am done hearing about her ex at all - good or bad. My friend’s response after being initially was “other people don’t understand” (meaning she didn’t want to listen to people tell her it’s a bad idea to talk to him) and that “why are you saying this when it isn’t like I talk about him lately.” 🙄 You all were right, her response proves that my friend refuses to let go and I made the right choice.

Apparently the ex’s past actions of alcoholism, destroying the mental health of their joint children, verbal/emotional/physical abuse towards everyone in the household, destroying items, pawning family heirlooms and draining a 401K savings for booze weren’t enough to stop my friend from crawling back and even get a promise ring from him again. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.