I've been with my gf for over 2.5 years. My previous relationship was very chaotic. She was extremely unstable, argumentative, and my life felt out of control. Everything was a fight

So with this partner, I chose someone who was extremely quiet and "go with the flow." Whatever I wanted to do she was down, and we barely argued unless it was something important.

However she had a lot of trouble showing affection. She never would hold my hand, kiss me, or initiate sex on her own. I asked her about this and she just told me she had a mental block from childhood neglect, SA, and relationship PTSD

She said she would work on it so I dropped the subject because discussing it just upset her. For 2 years I sat in resentment at not getting my physical and emotional needs met, but knowing I couldn't talk about it

I was also intensely "caretaking" during this time. She is constantly broke and so I pay for pretty much every date we go on, any food, trips, etc. She often runs out of groceries, toilet paper, or cleaning supplies, so I used to constantly buy those for her. She doesn't have a car or drive so I do that as well.

I started feeling resentful and saw that my "helping" wasn't making her situation easier, so that she could be more relaxed and affectionate, like I had hoped. So I dropped it for the most part

I still give her rides to the grocery store or the doctor, but they are less often. And I still pay for dates, but I take her on less. But I always feel like a parent figure because I am the one doing all the planning and leading when we go out.

Anyway, over a month ago I was ready to finally end things. I told her I wanted to break up and she threatened to kill herself, had a plan and seemed serious about it

So I stayed and tried to smooth things over. She started acting extremely affectionate over text and a lot more affectionate in person (but still low by most standards).

Now she's constantly saying how much she misses me, and can't even sleep without me most nights. She needs me as like this "security blanket" so she can be ok when she has anxiety attacks etc. I've tried to tell her I can't always be around so she needs to learn coping mechanisms on her own, but she is lukewarm to that idea

She's going to therapy finally (after 2 years of asking) but they're still working on extremely basic stuff. She's being more affectionate, we're having more sex, and I am less codependent, but the relationship still seems dysfunctional

I know in the end I probably have to leave even though I do love her and often enjoy our time together.

But the codependency is keeping me stuck as well as the feelings I'll never find another "simple / easy" partner like this. Because all my others have been so chaotic or argumentative.

She's only had this one "blow up" and now she's finally improving on the things I asked for 2 years ago

Anyhow, do you all have any advice on how I'm still acting codependently and how I can change my mindset to get me to leave?

TL;DR

My gf is very "stable" overall and is also super easygoing which has made the relationship simple and easy (compared to my past)

But she also is extremely broke and traumatized so she isn't very affectionate and I used to "caretake" by always giving her rides, buying her groceries, supplies, etc. I thought this would make her less stressed and more loving

Eventually I dropped that and tried to break up with her after 2 years but she threatened to kill herself. I stayed and she finally started making the changes I asked and being more affectionate

Even so, I'm scared I will be stuck in poverty with a minimally affectionate non social partner forever because I can't get over my codependency