Background: wife diagnosed bipolar. Maybe some cluster b disorder too. I have been in self-discovery mode. Therapist currently has me understanding that I’m a rescuer type, and I am seeing signs of codependency in myself. Tracing through all of my long term relationships, I have always been drawn to similar types. I have very poor boundaries. I give and I give and I give until I break and then the relationship ends.

Well, now I am married, and trying very hard to do the right thing. Objectively, my marriage is on the rocks. Cheating. Lies. Secrets. Dead bedroom. All the fun stuff. Now, with past relationships, I have been the one to leave usually. But any time I was single, I wanted to be a taken man. The point is, I am used to walking away from something that isn’t working. Something is throwing me for a loop this time around. My wife is obviously unhappy and in a manic and manipulating state. She is trampling over my boundaries left and right but I can’t bring myself to walk out the door. In fact, I can sense from her unhappiness that she might just drop me. And that part has sparked some serious anxiety in me. The outcome would be the same whether I left or she left. But something about the thought of her leaving me is capital T Terrifying. Why is my brain processing this so differently? Why does it seem okay - empowering even - to be the one to walk away, but absolutely soul-crushing to think of walking through the front door one day and finding an empty home? Anybody have experience with this?