Not sure if this is the right sub for me but hoping this community could maybe provide insight or point me in the right direction or ways they've coped when experiencing something similar. Here's what I'm experiencing.

I am 31m and in a relationship of almost a year with 28f. We live together. I find myself at times where I'm like "who am i". It's hard to explain but i'll do my best.

Everything my gf chooses i go along with. She asks me often but oftentimes i find myself choosing things that i feel she wants me to choose. This part is something that i've been working on and getting better at. But then the stuff she chooses, it's not that i don't like it it's just after sometime a wave of anxiety hits me that makes me feel like i'm not my own person.

For example, when organizing/decorating our place, we'd both agree we needed such and such items. she'd pick out a couple things and ask me which one i'd like. i'd make my pick or tell her i didn't care. so she'd pick it. and it's fine. i don't really care how things look as long as they serve their purpose. but now i'm finding like, i look around and i'm like where the hell am i? It feels like i'm living inside someone else's life.

Or here's another example. This is more so day to day things. She thinks of things to cook, that's great because i hate meal planning and did a terrible job of it when living on my own. And she's a pretty good cook so i like the food she makes. But there are times where it will just hit me like, in the past x amount of days i feel like i've had no thoughts of my own. I didn't decide what to eat, when to eat, what shows to watch, where to go and when to go. Then I get over it. A few days later it comes back.

I've discussed it with my therapist because this isn't new to me, this same thing happened in past relationships. I've kind of hit a wall though because on one hand, i fall into this pattern and i know that i don't like it. On the other hand, i'm so used to this pattern of events that things outside that pattern cause me anxiety and discomfort also. If it's codependency then it means i'm comfortable with it because it's familiar and "safe" until it hits me with the thought of "no, this isn't right, i hate this" and i just go around in circles. In the past when i was single and would date someone who didn't promote these kinda of patterns or would actually want/need me to choose things, i had a hard time adjusting to it or it would give me anxiety so it'd just end up steering clear of those situations and in one case i think it was a contributing factor to why i didn't keep dating that person. I would like to learn ways that i could be less averse to those scenarios. For example, in that situation the girl i was dating would say "you pick our next date idea, i'm down for whatever" and it would cause me a lot of anxiety trying to choose something so i'd ask her to come up with something in the end, or i'd go with an idea that she had in the past. Whereas when i got into my current relationship, i'd let her pick everything and she likes doing that so she never stops anything to switch it up. But also if i ask her to let me pick stuff, having that choice would end up giving me anxiety and i'll end up forfeiting my choice because it's easier. What are some good practical ways to try and break this pattern? Is getting out of this kind of relationship part of the solution or is it possible to break this pattern while in a relationship? It has been pointed out to me in the past that i tend to get into relationships with women who are dependable or "caregiver" types which i don't disagree with, but does that mean that the only way this pattern can be solved is if i'm in a relationship with someone who is more balanced in terms of the care they give and the care they require/need?