The first month was tough, constantly fighting the addictive feeling of needing a "hit". I focused on going to CoDA meetings, working out, hanging out with friends and family, my hobbies, etc.

Month two, more or less the same, but I started having a subconscious response to the addictive feelings whereas the first month I did not. For example, instead of just ignoring the feelings, my brain would turn my current scenario into a funny movie, which lightened things up and made me feel better. I was also able to turn the addictive feeling into something that didn't feel like I had to give in and that I was the one in control more than my brain.

However, I got sick recently and that made me much more emotionally vulnerable. I was so close to contacting someone I don't want to contact. I even thought of what I would say, but when I realized I actually didn't want anything from them, I didn't see the point of talking to them.

Just wanted to share my experience but also partly wanting to vent because I hate that being sick makes me feel emotionally weak. I'm wondering if I know I'm better when I don't feel like I need anyone even at my worst, like when I'm sick.

I was also supposed to go to a CoDA retreat this weekend but I'll have to miss it because I'm sick. I was wondering what my lesson was supposed to be. Maybe I really am supposed to go at this all alone?