You guys, get ready because honestly, its a long story. For context: I’m 25F, dealing with mental health issues, PCOS, and fear of abandonment. EX is 33M

So I’ve been single my whole life. I’ve had friends, dates, but never been in a serious relationship. When I start going on with someone, they always question why haven’t I had a relationship, I just say: just watch. Maybe setting up for failure? Idk. So anyways, back in Aug2022 I went to a concert from a local artist (which I’ve always loved) and noticed his “hype-man” absolutely stunning. Couple of days later, I reached out to him via DM and to my surprise, he answered. We started to have an awesome conversation and really connected (deep, as if we were high school friends). Fast forward, we started dating (though it was never verbally stated) He met my family, I met his mom. We lived like an 1:30min away so weekends we would stay together (my house/his house). I absolutely fell in love with him, however, he wasn’t really proactive or had any initiative to do things together. Essentially, everything was my idea or we would just stay home in bed all day. He was really sweet at first, I literally thought I would marry him?! He would just give me attention from time to time and that was enough for me, I lowered my standards. That was pretty much our whole relationship for the past 10 months. If he needed something, I would literally drop everything for him. Need dentist appointment? I would schedule it. Sick? I would take care of him. Sad? I would become a monkey. Important; he was never a communicator. I would have to literally guess everything out from him. So what happened? Both of my dogs passed away. I wasn’t okay, at all. So I texted him and let him know that I wanted a lil vacation. I was going to pay for everything. He was on board. Then, he wasn’t. I had made the reservation and he actually told me that he never intended on going in the first place. I questioned him as to why he pretended for me to go on my own, you just don’t do that. 3 days passed and NO RESPONDE. I reached out and asked if he was ready to talk. He said that he was done and that he was leaving me. “Take care, you are gold.😘”

It is important to say that I haven’t been feeling good. It’s been two months since the break up I have texted him dozen times called him, threw away all of his shit and I still haven’t heard anything from him. I’m just so sad and disappointed that he really abandoned me that way probably in the worst moment of my life I really expected much more from him. I get nauseous when I think about all of the things that we went through together. I guess the reason why I am typing all of this and posting it here is to release and get some advice because I haven’t been doing OK

edit: Hi, thank you all for your words and advice. Unfortunately I found out that he did a performance last night, 2 min away from where I live. It made me go bonkers! No text, no call, no nothing. So, even though I went to sleep early, I was still very resentful this morning. My mom kind of started a fight with me for something unrelated and I had a very bad mental breakdown, a very bad one. My parents helped, but I discovered that I haven’t let go and I can’t keep up like this. Yes, I am in excruciating pain, but I wont allow myself to get to this point ever again. It’s ridiculous how madly in love I am with him, or codependent, and he has no feelings whatsoever. I’m a shattered vase right now… Hopefully, I will get better and I will revisit this post with improvement.