I give you, if not my all-time favorite, certainly among the very shortest of short-lists of my favorite moments in Arma. There is absolutely a tale to go with it, so please, pull up an ammo crate and join me for story time.

It features Arma being janky and doing things you don't want, players being janky and doing things they shouldn't, players being comically oblivious to everything around them, and the finest fighting vehicle God ever saw fit to bestow upon Man.

I give you the Lukos* Plow.

Please, allow me to explain.

This is back in Arma 2. In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and squeaky main battle tanks converted to demolitions vehicles were real squeaky main battle tanks converted to demolitions vehicles. If you wanted to walk somewhere, you had to convince the game that the bipedal robot that only vaguely approximated human movement should go through the motions of moving you from A to B, and woe unto you if anything should interrupt that process.

So. Lukos* and I are standing in that archway and looking out at an intersection covered by a nasty MG nest. We've already seen people go down to it, so the obvious followup is to get some smoke cover down. We both start throwing it out, but he had the misfortune to have started moving before he did so, locking him into the rare but very particular "running and throwing a grenade" animation. For those of you unfamiliar with Arma 2's movement, I want to emphasize the words "locking him into". His robomanframe proceeded to saunter him right out into the middle of the road while dutifully throwing that smoke grenade; at no point was there anything he could have done to cancel the animation.

You can't really hear it in the video, but he knew something was very wrong even as it was happening, and he shouted something to the effect of "oh god why am I running".

Unsurprisingly, Lukos* is shredded pretty quickly by the MG and crumples into a pile in the middle of the road. At this point I'm already succumbing to laughter, because seeing our Lovable Bumbler charge into gunfire while he panics and questions why he's quite literally unable to stop himself from doing so... Well, it's Pretty Damn Funny when it happens directly in front of you.

As a - completely unrelated, I assure you - aside, we had a tank this game. It was one of these. Faithfully modeled right down to squeaking and rust pitting. Commanded by our own Decoydrone, no less. Truly an awe-inspiring weapon.

Back to our story. This is when our tank shows up, and it does, well, pretty much the only thing the 1st Law of Universal Comedy allows it to do: it runs Lukos* over.

But again, we're playing Arma 2. Lukos* wasn't dead, you see, he was just resting. And instead of simply rolling right over him, the tank proceeded to push him right through the smoke, on the other side of which was a veritable meatgrinder of MG nests and murderholes, heartily welcoming him with the chatter of gunfire.

Like some kind of sedate battlefield zamboni, appearing for the sole purpose of tidying up, then vanishing as soon as its task is complete. The only evidence Lukos* had ever been there at all was the blood trail it conveniently left as it shoved him down the street. (So maybe not the very best at zamboning, then. Fitting.)

So, look. Put yourself in my position. I'm standing in my archway. I'm right next to Lukos* when he starts his grand adventure and conveys in no uncertain terms how much he wanted to get off Mr. DShKM's Wild Ride before he's gunned down. I heard, then saw, the tank make its squeaky approach. I've been playing this dumb game a long time, I know how players think and act and observe. Or, in this case, how they don't. I knew the tank crew didn't see him, or care, or that even if they did it wouldn't be communicated in time between commander and driver to keep from turning him into treadgrease. I knew exactly what was going to happen the moment the tank rumbled into view. Well, I thought I did.

I didn't expect to see the tank shove him off with a rattling, squeaking farewell into the smoke and straight at the bads.

At that point I just lose my shit entirely. I can't even breathe, I'm laughing so hard. Ollie sees it all too and he struggles to put words together to describe what happened right in front of him.

(Oh, I should add, I'm a medic this game, too. Lukos* goes down in the middle of the road screaming about running uncontrollably? He gets pushed off into the mist by a tank? People down across the street? Fuck that, it's all way, way too funny, and all I can do is stand there and laugh at the absurdity of it. I'll get around to treating them, eventually.)

And it still gets me every time to this day. I can't convey how much I love this clip. Ollie orders the tank forward and then is in the perfect place at the perfect time; the goofiest, stupidest tank we've ever had plays a pivotal role; and Lukos* is Lukos*, doing what he does best.

Thank you, Lukos* Plow, you represent the pinnacle of Arma.

^*Lumps