Fuckin Staffen Mays here with motherfuckin' gerfers!

Well after a few busy weeks, we've managed to get around to dealing with a pretty serious issue: The Petranian Vaults. It's a massive mess thanks to nearly every official in Petrania just dumping their pearls in the vault. We've asked around, took an inventory, and gathered up the evidence.

BIGVAULT:

These gerfers are all sorted, and will be transported to their new homes shortly.

• xRevantx: Possibly part of 'The Farm Gang,' AKA Bloodidiot's Crew. Gerfed & robbed citizens of Suilven, Imperium, Trenzalore, and possibly Holy Tree.

• ToasterAtheism: Murdered & robbed people across the map. Shows no remorse and admitted that he'd do it again if released.

• CraftWizard3D: Member of Bloodidiot's Gang. The group has access to numerous prot' sets, xp, diamonds, pots, full combat gear. He along with bloodidiot, AiXyZ, MilesDavis & GoldBlaze, murdered-pearled-robbed-griefed-everythinginthefuckingbooked-probably over a dozen cities across the map. No contest has the biggest potential of dangerous activities if released.

• JakSpringTooth: Lava griefed settlements in the , ; enjoys griefing, and lots of murder.

SMALLVAULT:

These gerfers are small time criminals/alts of regular criminals, and need a new vault. We've considered freedom through labor, though we don't have many projects for them to work on. Many of them don't play either, so it's really out of the question.

If anyone wants them(or can take care of them), let us know, and we'll transfer them to you. Otherwise... We can't hold them for long.

• nick3517: Murdered & robbed citizens of Suilven

• cwaleson: Unknown.

• AnonyMoose__: Tried to break into our vault.

• jlopez24: Member of a griefer group in the , . Admitted to his crimes & quit the server.

• adamconrad1: Burned 'The' Tree in Holy Tree, twice.

• SPIDERPIG117: Pearled & murdered multiple citizens of Megaton, griefed Megaton; possibly other crimes.

• Nunganunga12: Brigand, friend of ToasterAthiesm.

• Defestion: Part of the OverWatch Gang.

• Slyph0x: Pearled by Imperium; reasons unknown.

• Mr_inv1sible3: Part of a gerfer group made up of himself, JAYLEGITZ, kremington & WaRy0. Stole a few items from Trenzalore before it fell & lied about it.

• Zabe3: Pearled by Imperium; reasons unknown.

• nas6162000: Unknown

• JAYLEGITZ: Part of a gerfer group made up of himself, Mr_inv1sible3, kremington & WaRy0. Stole a few items from Trenzalore before it fell & lied about it.

• Octopapa: Unknown

• Jullperi: Unknown

• janus55: Unknown

Furthermore, those that are "unknown" are in there without any shred of documentation. If you have evidence to their crimes, or are the person who pearled them, let us know. They're innocent until proven guilty.

TL;DR: Mega-bad gerfer blow out sale! EVERYTHING MUST GO!!! Relics of a washed up bureaucratic government, nearly antiques! Nearly all* have gone through the Petranian justice system, so no strings are attached!* BUT THESE DEALS WON'T LAST LONG! Everything must go! MONDAY, MONDAY, MONDAY! FINAL DAY OF SALE!

^{A good 75% have.}

^{Lots of strings are attached. Gerfers must be watered, or will wither and die.}

Edit: We're not giving out slaves. These are beautiful shelf pieces for your home/office. They couldn't possibly withstand the hard work, stress, and damage a typical slave does.