Doctor Heimirdinge’s Residence, near Tarblo, Osteryard – Year 917

“Fritz! Fritz, damn it! Where are you! FRITZ!”

“Finally, at long last. What took you? Did you milk the elms of their sap, like I told you? Damn it Fritz. Never you mind. Get this down.”

To the most esteemed scientists - Hartmann, Ingenhauz, Stirlmeister, Munrowe, and Soobay:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

“FRITZ! Do not take down my laughs!”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You all mocked me. You all derided me. Hartmann claimed my work as derivative, after he stole the work I slaved over. Ingenhauz at least had the decency to mock me to my face.

You’re all jackasses.

My discovery will change the face of the world. At first, I thought it was a simple new prime element. Some form of Igneus that releases its energy in a certain way. Once, I clung to the Hartmann Schema of Prime Elements. But it is as stupid as Hartmann’s head is thick. That is to say, extremely.

This prime element releases new power: the power of electricity.

It’s a phenomenal sort of magic, and it is one that I have the privilege to discover. I am the master of this profession. You all must look up to me!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

“Yes, Fritz, take down those laughs. Could you not hear my inflection? Did you not read my grammatical treatise? Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads anything I write. Now keep going!”

Its secrets are mine: The Secrets of electrical conductivity, of capacitance, of resistance, and of charge. These secrets are so powerful they could kill a man. I’d hardly call Igovsk a man, though, more of a glorified lab rat…

“Erase that part about Igovsk. Actually, no, leave it. Actually, no, erase it.”

Look forward to my theories published in the Eisenkastell Journal of Acclaimed Science, and know that should you ever wish to be better than the filth that you are, I am always here to help teach you, though none of you have the capacity to ever be as good as I am.

Sincerely,

Donnalt Heimirdinge, Doctor of Sciences, Discoverer of Electricity, and Discerner of All Great Sciences

[M]: Glimmer discovers electrical theory. It’s quite shocking.

This one was a touch more silly than I’ve done previously, but I kinda feel like we’ve all dealt with certain people like this in the past.