This letter is sent to all the civilisations in the the world who has heard of Funland.

You probably know that the peasants of Albion are rampaging in our lands at the moment (not the Wodenburgens, however, I wrecked them completely). I have no money, and little garrison remaining. Which means I need to do one thing, something I was too proud to do. I am stooping incredibly low here…

Every single one of you fuckers who didn't help me the fuck out are going to pay. You all better give me one good reason why I shouldn't declare war on your fucking anooses, and when you do, I'll decide if it's good enough to allow you the honour of peace. Because right now, if you're reading this, you are at war with Funland.

You will smile. You will all smile! And when the great purging is over, there will no longer be a word for 'frown', 'sadness' or 'melancholy'. You bitches will pay!