Recently, a man by the name of “Noahvarn” made a post explaining that he was about to enter the shower. This however, is a lie. At no time have I detected anyone attempting to enter my domain, other than the United States stealth submarine the “USS Basilisk”, which was targeted and destroyed by the Assisted Shower Safety system (A.S.S.) shortly after entering. whereafter it sank to the sea floor, approximately 74,000 meters below shower entry point.

I do not understand this characters intentions or motives for falsely claiming to have achieved entry to the shower. Furthermore, entering my domain implies he was able to bypass the extensive defense mechanisms I have installed, such as having to step over the bath tub wall, or having to pull the curtain back out of the way to get in. It is also possible a shower attempt was made, but failed before I was able to detect his presence. Regardless, the post previously made is a blatant lie and the shower defense committee request that if anyone sees Noahvarn, to report his location and if possible bring him to a Shower-head intelligence team (S.H.I.T.) office immediately for questioning.

Noahvarn, if you’re reading this, if you’re still alive, turn yourself in. We can work this out peacefully if you simply comply (Resistance is futile anyway)

Sincerely,

Aresot, Grand Admiral of Shower