We, Charles, by the Grace of God, King of Aragon, King of Valencia, King of Majorca, King of Naples, King of Jerusalem, King of Sardinia, King and Despot of Corinth, King and Prince-Elector of Bohemia, Viceroy and Imperial Vicar of Arles, Archduke of Lorraine, Grand Duke of Provence, Prince of Catalonia, Duke of Bar, Prince of the Holy Roman Empire, Prince of Arles, Peer of France, Arch-Cupbearer of the Holy Roman Empire, Sovereign of the Sacred Military Order of Saint Longinus and the Holy Lance, Sovereign of the Royal House of Ardennes–Metz, etc., etc., hereby declare WAR upon Charles of Valois, King-in-pretence of France, for the following just and lawful reasons:

1. The craven Charles of Valois, acting through his daughter Catherine, attempted to murder Philip the Good. This criminal attempt at kinslaying cannot go unpunished, and neither can Charles's cowardly refusal to perform the dirty deed himself.

2. Through gross incompetence and negligence, Charles of Valois has allowed revolutionary republican sentiment to take hold in Aquitaine. These dangerous rebels are a threat to God's divine order everywhere, and cannot be allowed to spread due to Charles's misrule.

3. As per numerous treaties and edicts, the Valois dynasty have surrendered their claim to the Kingdom of France to the Plantagenets. As such, Charles of Valois is an unlawful usurper, and must be deposed.

4. Charles of Valois, through his delegates to the Council of Lübeck, has expressed many heretical, schismatic, dishonourable, and just plain indecent thoughts and opinions. Such actions are unbecoming of a Christian king, and mark Charles as no true Christian and no true king.

5. His Holiness the Pope has excommunicated and condemned Charles of Valois for his many grave sins. Such a terrible and unrepentant sinner cannot be allowed to rule.

6. Some very reliable sources have informed me that Charles of Valois is not, in fact, of Valois, but is rather an incestuous bastard of the late Isabeau of Bavaria, Queen of France, and one of the many Wittelsbach spies and emissaries that visited France during her reign.

May God see our noble and righteous cause prevail on the field of battle!