Imperial Major Civs

Roman Empire

General Failure. Our country isn't looking too hot right now. Both the Persians and now the Reepublicans [sic] are taking and holding our cities, the eternal city of Constantinople just barely survived a Vandalic vandalization attempt, and, worst of all, our treasury is nearly empty. What could have possibly caused this cacophony of catastrophes, and how can we right things before it's too late?

• Option 1: Did you see how our naval plot critically failed? And how Egypt's naval plot also critically failed? And did you notice how the Reepublic's [sic] invasion of us was a naval invasion, and a successful one at that? Clearly there's problems with our navy, and we need to fix them fast if we're to win our many wars.

• Option 2: Forget the navy, that won't help us against the Persian menace. The real issue is the precipitous decline in the size of our treasury over the past couple of decades or so, and the constant thefts from it that our antiplots somehow aren't stopping. An army marches on its paycheque, after all.

• Option 3: The Persian menace has been very adamant that our alleged "oppression" of our own citizens is what's behind our current troubles. Although we obviously treat our citizens very well, thank you very much, maybe a little bread and circuses will make them work harder and fight stronger.

• Option 4: Catastrophes? What are you talking about? The Vandals put in their best efforts to sack the Queen of Cities, yet, they failed. This is clearly a sign that God is on our side, and supports our current actions. These transient troubles will be over soon enough, if only we stay the course. ROMA INVICTA!

Exarchate of Egypt

Reunification. Our glorious armies and mighty fleets have finally crushed the Nilean rebellion once and for all, restoring order to Egypt. But now we have an excess of soldiers in or land with no easily-accessible enemy to fight, social and political confusion in the recently reconquered lands, and, of course, the potential for foreign goons to just spark a brand new rebellion for us to have to deal with.

• Option 1: We won? Time to throw a massive party! Today shall be a national day of celebration, to commemorate our decisive victory over the stinky traitors! ROMA INVICTA!

• Option 2: Our top strategists have informed us that despite the difficulty in invading the Vandals' by land, their territory is in fact quite accessible by sea. Time to turn some soldiers into sailors!

• Option 3: We must move quick to reestablish order and normalcy in Cyrene and the other liberated lands. Lots of valuable land, private fortunes, estates, and other property has had its owners disappear in the fighting and chaos, or is under dispute by multiple claimants. I'm sure the state could make better use of these assets than some stuffy aristocrats ever could, right?

• Option 4: Who cares about the current rebellion, we already beat them! We have to figure out who was behind that rebellion so we can teach them a lesson, and hire some better security and counterintelligence officers to prevent such rebellions from being started in the future.

Sassanid Persian Empire

Huh. Our war wit the Roman empire is going swimmingly. We have decisively beat back their feeble counteroffensive, and our troops are now advancing upon Antioch and Trapezums. But, in the east, we face a rebellion lead by a treasonous former governor, and in the heart of our capital, several prominent dynasts of the House of Sasan have been brutally murdered. Also some rando Suparian fuckwit called us unprestigious, too! These are mixed tidings indeed.

• Option 1: Let us double down on our successes. While the Vandals may try sacking Constantinople directly, we shall conquer all of Rome, and become the undisputed masters of all Asia!

• Option 2: Eh, who cares about Rome anyway? This was the Ghassaksumites war anyway, and they aren't even involved in it anymore. Let us end this pointless fighting so that we can focus on dealing with our actual issues. [Requires peace with the Roman Empire.]

• Option 3: And by "actual issues", we mean those perfidious assassins who murdered our kinsmen. We must settle both the Roman war and the rebellion quickly, or at least put them aside for now, so we can protect our bloodline from extermination! [Benefits from, but does not require, peace with the Roman Empire and with Baluchestan.]

• Option 4: Who care about any of this nerd shit? Where's our pReStIgE!?!? My precioussss PrEsTiGe!!!

Roman Reepublic [sic]

REEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Our agreement to uphold the peace treaty between the Vandals and Egypt has failed, since the Exarch of Egypt neglected to inform his "advisors" of the peace deal. So the Egyptian troops kept fighting on, and we were obliged to declare war on Egypt, and their allies in Constantinople. Now our armies have begun their invasion of Eastern Rome, and have actually done a remarkably successful job at it. But is the Empire of the Romans really an enemy we wish to have?

• Option 1: Not really, no. I'm sure that with all their other enemies, the Romans will be willing to forgive our accidental transgression, and to resolve this peacefully. [Requires peace with the Roman Empire.]

• Option 2: Sure, why not? Time to reunify Rome under the Reepublican [sic] flag.

• Option 3: Regardless of our opinion on the Roman Empire, several people have pointed out that despite our claim to be a Reepublic [sic], we aren't actually a republic. Maybe we should remedy that, and become a republic in practice as well as in name.

• Option 4: This Reepublic [sic] idea was pretty silly, looking back on it. Good thing we never promised no takes-backsies on it, right? [Choose a new name.]

Glorious Suparia

The End is Nigh, or is it? The Primarchate of Suparia has endured for decades, through ups and downs. So far, we have recovered from each of those downs. But the joint Visigothic-Frankish onslaughts are taking their toll. Our Great Wall has been lost, our capital occupied and sacked by the Franks, and our southern borders and western coastlines conquered by the Visigoths and their puppets. Our armies are being pushed back on all fronts.

• Option 1: Sounds like we're dead soon. Time to run, so that we can live to fight another day. [Choose a new faction.]

• Option 2: It's whiny defeatists like you who are behind our country's defeats. Defeatism is a treasonous, self-fulfilling prophecy. Time for a purge! We shall be reborn as a nation of high energy winners, after we've killed all of the whiny traitors.

• Option 3: A country without a capital is no country at all. We must retake our capital from the Franks. All forces converge on Suparia!

• Option 4: The Franks have taken but one city, while the Visigoths have taken many times that. We must prioritize the greater threat, and defeat the Visigoths. We can command our military from any city; the capital is just a fool's distraction.

Romanian Empire

The Mudhut Menace. We have heckled and harangued the filthy mudhut dwellers and their vile allies, but haven't managed to actually, you know, inflect any serious, permanent harm on them.

• Option 1: Being killed is pretty serious and pretty permanent, wouldn't you say? Send out the assassins!

• Option 2: I hear that these mudhut men have a massive mudhut in the desert somewhere, that makes their other shithole desert mudhuts more prosperous. I'm sure that knocking over this wonderous desert mudhut will show them that we mean business.

• Option 3: Conquering cities with military might is the traditional way to dab on your enemies.

• Option 4: I mean, we just want our 3k gold back, or some sort of equivalent compensation for the theft of our city. I'm sure that the craven mudhut men could be convinced to just pay up. [Requires a mutual diplomatic agreement with the Aksumite-Ghassanid Union.]

Barbarian Major Civs

Aksumite-Ghassanid Union

Peace in our time? With a peace treaty signed with the Romans, and Alodia's independence secured, the lands of Aksum and the Ghassanids are looking rather peaceful. Of course, the rabid Ostrogeats from the far north keep trying to make fools of themselves trying to harm us and failing, but other than that small annoyance, we are at peace. What should we do with all of our peace?

• Option 1: We shall use it to grow into a prosperous and populous empire.

• Option 2: We shall use this brief lull in conflict to plan our next shady scheme.

• Option 3: The Romans are hardly known for keeping their promises, and the turmoil in Persia might very well spill over into our lands. We must stay vigilant.

• Option 4: There can be no peace while the idiotic Ostrogeats continue to fuck around. They must be smited, once and for all!

Khaganate of Baluchestan

Gottem. Our independence war against Persia has been a complete success. The Persians have been too busy bogged down in their war against the Romans to effectively quash us, and our forces have even managed to liberate Pasargadae from the Persian oppressors. However, a Persian counterattack army is being built up on our borders, and we don't exactly have the production to win an enduring war of attrition.

• Option 1: If we need more production to beat Persia, perhaps we should start producing more?

• Option 2: Production is for nerds. Real countries just use their vast gold reserves to hire mercenaries to do their fighting for them. We just need to start acquiring some gold reserves of our own.

• Option 3: Production? Gold? We are at war! To win this war, we must continue to strike swiftly and decisively, annihilating our foes before they have a chance to converge on our cities.

• Option 4: Or we could, like, not fight. Armenia got a pretty sweetheart deal from Persia, maybe they'd give us something like that too? [Requires a peace with Persia.]

The Vandals

Sack of Constantinople. Ayy, we did it! Or, rather, we almost did. Constantinople's walls somehow managed to hold against our brilliant assault, despite all odds. Clearly we must perfect our planning and execution abilities, if we are to succeed on our next zany scheme.

• Option 1: Our soldiers just ran away from the city! The cowards! We must eliminate cowardice from our ranks if we are to succeed at our plans.

• Option 2: Our initial surprise assault on the city failed, leaving us to rely on the regular troops singing ability instead. We must git gud at assaulting cities if we are to succeed at our plans.

• Option 3: Nah, everything went perfectly on our end. It was the filthy Romans! They must've cheated, somehow. We must find out how they cheated to stop our flawless invasion!

• Option 4: Hey, we got the city down to red health, made all of their players anxious, and probably contributed to their AI's failure to advance into Persia. That sounds like a solid win to me. Three cheers for the Vandals!

The Celts

Britannia. We finally did it. With the last remnants of Frankish rule in Canterbury eradicated, the Britannic Isles are united under their rightful rulers: the Celts.

• Option 1: Well, now that we've accomplished our war goal here, it's time for peace. Our nation needs time to rebuild its peacetime economy. [Requires peace with France.]

• Option 2: Well, now that we've accomplished our war goal here, it's time for peace. Our nation needs time to rebuild its peacetime industries. [Requires peace with France.]

• Option 3: Well, now that we've accomplished our war goal here, it's time for peace. Our nation needs time to rebuild its peacetime spy networks. [Requires peace with France.]

• Option 4: Nah, peace is for wimpy Christians. The Franks will fall before us, and soon we shall become the rulers of Germania as well as Britannia! Charge!

Hipster Major Civs

Kingdom of France

Missing Troops. Our war effort took a serious turn for the worse when our field commanders failed to receive the reinforcements they were told to expect. Apparently, our logisticians and strategists had greatly overestimated the efficacy of our recruiting efforts, leading to both of our war fronts ending up undermanned. Although we managed to take and hold the city of Suparia, we also lost both Canterbury and Bononia to the Celts.

• Option 1: What? Unacceptable! Send out the press gangs and enact universal conscription. We shall have the troops we need.

• Option 2: This is clearly the fault of Celtic saboteurs! How else would explain the fact that the Celts benefited most from this? We must root out the spies in our ranks!

• Option 3: Uh, do you have any proof of that? The problem is clearly the poor pay, benefits, and rations we provide to our fighting men. If we simply pay our soldiers more and procure higher-quality provisions for them, more people will be willing to sign up. Simple.

• Option 4: If our army only had one front to focus on, maybe they'd be able to direct their recruitment efforts more efficiently. [Requires peace with either Suparia or the Celts.]

Visigothic Order

Deus vult! Our glorious armies have finally broken through the Suparian defences, and advanced heavily into southern and western Gaul. However, as our glorious armies close in on the last Suparian holdouts, the question of how to most effectively govern the mostly Chalcedonian, ethnically Gallo-Roman denizens of our new holdings. They don't seem to be overly enamoured to their new Arian, Visigothic overlords.

• Option 1: Chalcedonianism? Disgusting! Time for a (very unexpected) Spanish Inquisition!

• Option 2: Maybe some religious tolerance is in order? Although that would require that we modify our government to be a bit more secular...

• Option 3: Bribe the local Gallo-Roman aristocrats to keep their own peasantry in line. Relying on the existing socio-political infrastructure is the most efficient way to govern.

• Option 4: We've had success spinning off provinces into autonomous puppet states before. Why not just do that again?

Minor Civs

Visigothic Puppets (Mauretania, Brigantium, and Darioritum)

No puppet, no puppet! We have been accused by some of being Visigothic puppets, only existing to further their naked objective of world domination, and lacking any free will for ourselves. Obviously, this is very very false, as we are very very legitimate sovereign states, with our own very very legitimate national interests. Right?

• Option 1: Absolutely. Definitely. We are just very close and very equal allies with the Visigoths, because our interests and theirs just happen to be very closely aligned. Just coincidentally.

• Option 2: That's some wishy-washy bullshit. If we're so closely aligned with the Visigoths, why don't we just join them properly. Mergers aren't banned around here, right?

• Option 3: Let's be honest here, we're just shameless puppets. And what's wrong with that, huh?

• Option 4: Wait, we're Visigothic puppets? Disgusting! Let's forge our own path! We have nothing to lose but our chains! Gamers rise up! [May lead to WAR.]

Kingdom of the Black Sea

Ambitions. Those who have analyzed our recent activities have concluded that we're clearly aiming to become a more major player on the world stage. We even have a new swanky palace and a new name. All we need is a plan for what to do once we become a real country.

• Option 1: We should copy our neighbours to the south, east, and west. The Empire of the Black Sea is a much swankier sounding than a mere Kingdom, after all.

• Option 2: Lame! We shall stay true to our roots, and stay a free and proud warrior culture.

• Option 3: Since when have we actually been a warrior culture, to be quite honest? Our true calling is that of commerce. I'm sure a council or assembly of leading merchant princes and wealthy aristocrats can lead our new nation into glory!

• Option 4: Aren't we getting a bit ahead of ourselves here? Let's worry about what we'll do as a major power after we get there, not before. We've gotta focus on the here and now.

Other Minor Civs

We're very irrelevant.

• Option 1: Yes, yes we are.

• Option 2: Hey, potential puppets are very relevant!

• Option 3: Hey, potential new major civs are very relevant!

• Option 4: no u