We meet our hero Tefmon while he is reading a stack of letters, filled with the crazed ramblings of his former friend Bert. After the noble Tefmon foolishly decides to reply to these letters in kind, Bert the Mad randomly challenges Tefmon to a duel, a duel on the doorsteps of Constantinople.

At first the great Tefmon thought that dispatching the illiterate bumpkin Bert would be a trivial matter. However, Tefmon soon realized that Bert might actually be obsessed enough to waste countless hours training for the confrontation between them, and could potentially end up being halfway competent at dueling.

So, the clever Tefmon made a few minor adjustments to his daily schedules to make some time to practice his swordsmanship, his general athletic abilities, and, most importantly, his real-time trash-talking.

Unfortunately, the clever Tefmon's occasional physical training exercises would likely not prove sufficient if the unhinged Bert decided to attempt some mad ploy, one so lacking in honour and in common sense, that it would be impossible to defend against using the standard techniques.

And thus Tefmon began the second stage of his training.

Continued in "An Exasperated Man in Constantinople to Readying Kick Some Crazed Moron's Ass, Part 2: Training of the Mind".