Heeeeee's Baack!

Well hey there, champ. How've you been?

It's been a long time since I've looked around... You've redecorated. I like the look. It's got a more... Modern look to it. Really nice furnishings. I love what you've done with the place, really.

I heard you'd had some family troubles... Those things happen. When it comes down to it, the ones that have real care will still support you, no matter if the times get tough or not.

So, you're starting your third business, are you? Well, to be honest, I wasn't sure if you were cracked up to it after the... Incident with the first go at it. Then when you started the second one... It was kinda just a mish-mash of broken pieces of other businesses, wasn't it? I know it's hard to admit, but that is the reality of it.

I think you've grown past all that, though. I'm sure that, as the saying goes, "Third Time's the Charm!"

Well, I'll wrap this up. I know I've been gone a lot recently. Haven't been here when you've needed me most. Work just got in the way. Unfortunately, that's not likely to change for a while... But you seem to have managed so far without me, and I'm sure you will stick it out. You've matured a lot since I first laid eyes on you.

You're one of the best communities I've been a part of, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

This monologue was inspired by Tom Hank's monologue as "America's Dad" on SNL