This is gonna be a long rant, sorry. I cant sing anymore. My throat constantly hurts. It's been like that for two years now. All the doctors I've been to either medicate me or tell me that I'm fine, but the pain always remains.

Singing used to be my thing. Ever since I was a child I sang. Singing was my life. It was my only talent, my everything. Singing made me me. And now I lost it. I feel so useless.

I've exhausted all my options, I've gone to every doctor I can. On Thursday I went to a specialist, he was my last hope. Maybe he could find what was wrong with me but no, it's always "the studies came out fine, you're healthy". He even thought I was lying in order to get cosmetic surgery. I cried on the way back home. The realization that there really is no remedy, this is my life, my talent is permanently gone, hit me. I dont care that I cant talk anymore, or that most days I wake up in pain. I just want to be able to sing again.

This all feels like such a bad joke. You give a girl a talent for all her life and suddenly take it away from her. I wanted to study music production, but now I find it kind of cruel. I dont think I can handle working with artists when I know that I used to be one. I'm a crying mess, I've always coped by writing songs, but now it feels so pointless. Why write songs if at the end of the day, I wont be able to sing them. I dont even want to play my piano anymore. For what. It's not like I've lost my passion though, that's the worst thing. I still have the urge to create music, I just stop myself because it hurts so much.

It genuinely feels like I'm grieving for my voice. I'm probably just being dramatic.