I have a lot of repressed memories. Recently I’ve begun to realise at 13, I was addicted to codeine due to depression. I kicked this by myself because at 14 I developed chronic pain and had to take it more responsibly, and got on anti depressants.

Now, I had trigger point injections and a nerve block a couple months ago. During that time I was given co drydamol and tramadol (not to take together!) and it kind of reminded me a bit because I remember feeling excited about the high, but I didn’t really worry because I know I enjoy opiate highs but I didn’t think it was a big deal. I was supposed to have a radiofrequency ablation next week, and the effects of the nerve block have worn off. It has been cancelled, and the pain is worse because my brain was without it for 6 weeks and isn’t used to it as much (this has happened before)

Now I’ve decided to take codeine regularly to help with the pain until the ablation is rebooked, probably before November. But already I’m beginning to become dependent on it for my mental health and chronic pain, and I’m not sure if the mental health reason is because of the impact of my chronic pain or loneliness and boredom. And because I’m becoming more tolerant, the highs are becoming smaller and that sometimes affects my mental health.

I’m beginning to think I have an addiction to codeine, that began before my chronic pain.

Anyone who has or had an addiction to opiates mentally, not just physically and has chronic pain, could really use any advice or just to hear that you exist.