I have had chronic pain in my left femur since 2012. Turned out I have a tumor, its wrapped around my sciatic nerve. I did radiation and then chemo pills. The pain was so bad I was on opioids then after chemo I got off and tolerated for 6 months with OTC medication because of the way people looked at me when I said I was on opioids. The pain continued to get worse and my scans from the oncologist came back "clear" the tumor was still there but not active. The pain management doctor i saw gave me a nerve condition test and said something is wrong but we don't know what, so have some tramadol. The pain continues and it's awful. I finally came to terms that this was as good as it was going to get. Id never be back to my old self so this was my new normal. I sold my beloved 6 speed jeep wrangler because the clutch was too much for me. I looked into going back to school. I was going to the oncologist in December and once I got another good report I was going to try and conceive a baby. Things were looking up! Until the scan came back showing as an active tumor again. The validation of the pain was a relief for a total of 3.5 seconds then my world came crashing down. Why does the pain suck so bad, why me, what did I do wrong to deserve this?

The validation of pain is only satisfactory for a very short time. Once the pain is validated it is almost like you're allowed to feel pain and it gets worse, and worse. I just can't win.

TLDR: chronic pain due to inactive tumor. Now tumor is active. Validation of why I have pain causes more pain, when I thought it would be a relief.