The other day I was talking to my social worker about loneliness and how I still wouldn't be able to contact my few remaining friends because of the barrier to entry that always comes up with chronic pain.

She was encouraging me to just text one friend that I hadn't gone out with in a while and I said, I can't text him because whenever I send a text he waits till he gets home from work (when I'm already starting to pass out) and gives me a call, and I'm on the phone for a half hour or even an hour, instead of just giving me a text back.

I'm sure almost all of you know the issues with being social for more than a few minutes, and the wear and tear it takes. Even just doing a phone call and fighting the brain fog for a half hour is exhausting.

So she asked me why can't you just tell your friends you can't talk and to text you. And I admitted that often times I will refuse to answer a phone call and text back right away that I'm somewhere I can't talk (half the time that is even true) and I can only get away with texting. So my therapist asked me why can't you just tell people you aren't up to talking and need to do texts. And I was horrified. For some reason I felt horribly embarrassed about saying I can't talk can we just text. Or don't call me I'm not up to it just send me a text. I guess I felt that if I straight up told a person, especially a friend, look don't call me just text me back, no matter what the reason I would offend that person. Maybe I'm being irrational.

I don't know does anyone these types of issues where they can't even text a person cause they get a call back or just some other escalation where your chronic pain just can't deal with more than a text or something like that. Have you ever just flat out told a friend just text me back don't call me, I can't deal with a phone call today. How did that go? Were they offended or did they get it?

I don't know I just feel trapped by my chronic pain all the time and even when I push to text a friend I don't cause I'm sure I will get trapped in a pain cycle throwing good spoons after bad on a phone call, or even worse successfully setting up a meeting and then having to go outside and be social! Its almost a panic attack thinking about how many spoons that would cost.

Am I alone here or does anyone else freak out like this?