About a year ago, I (m40) started having pain in my right lower abdomen and under my belly button — pain was about a 5/10 but constant. I thought the pain was an appendicitis. Over the next year, I would do blood work, urinalysis’, MRI, CTs, and X-rays and everything comes back clean. I have a list of alllllll the things they’ve ruled out. I read that list from time to time to remind myself, but it doesn’t help.

The catch-22 is, you don’t want there to be anything seriously wrong with you, but at the same time you want to know what’s wrong, so you can deal with it.

I’ve had other issues since then and doctors keep telling me “it’s stress” or “anxiety” that could be causing it all.

Bc I’m not getting answers, I’ve found myself googling to the point that it’s making me feel like I have more things wrong than I do. I start manifesting symptoms that I don’t really have. I be gone back multiple times to do the same tests thinking “maybe they messed my tests up and this time it’ll show something”.

My mind is constantly trying to make sense of my pain and symptoms. I google and it’s gives me more anxiety, and makes my symptoms worse. If I get a bug bite and see a small bump, I start thinking “is this connected to what’s already wrong with me?” It’s a vicious cycle. I’ll randomly wake up and think, “maybe it’s this” and I’ll google and try to convince myself that it’s that. Only to go to the doc and they tell me it’s not. I HATE THIS!!!!

It’s been over a year and I still have no answers. I’m so tired of thinking of pain, talking about pain, and feeling pain. As much as I trying to explain it to people, nobody understands what this feels like. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. If I wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, my pain is the first thing on my mind.

Not sure if this makes any sense, but I needed to vent and I feel like this community are the only people who understand.