I grew up with a dad is well into hustle culture. My dad gets up at like 5am and goes to bed at like midnight, has 3 kids to take care of (single dad) has his own business etc, needless to say, he is extremely busy and is constantly on the go. He is healthy and therefore he can manage to do it. He is used to it and it's his way of life. The thing is, he projects and expects others to be like this. I grew up with a lot of pressure from him to perform well in school and to go to university and find a good job etc and to work really hard etc. I've always heard him say negative comments about people who don't work hard without considering why that is. Our downstairs neighbour was in a car accident a long time ago which led to her becoming chronically ill and became disabled because of it (an invisible disability) and therefore she can't work, and can't go out much. She has her groceries delivered, is always home and is low-income due to her situation bc she can't work and my dad often commented to me how he thought she was lazy bc she's always home and gets her groceries delivered etc and basically have a negative opinion of her, I know it's just cause my dad is ableist and doesn't understand this reality but it affects me because now that I am disabled chronically ill (got diagnosed at 16 am now 23) I have these internalized thoughts about myself. I have crohns disease, arthritis, chronic back pain, HS and fibromyalgia. My symptoms are intense and range from intense abdominal pain and bloating, up to 20 diarrheas a day sometimes, joint and muscle pain and throbbing and stiffness, nausea, lightheadedness and diziness, backstabbing pain kind of throbbing, painful mouth ulcers, dehydration, extreme fatigue, painful boils and skin inflammation, dry mouth / sore throat, dysmenorrhea, needless to say it's hard to ~live laugh love~ in these conditions lol ! I dropped out of Uni to focus on my small business because that's my only income right now and I have really low energy levels and had to focus on that in order to make money. I work from home with my small business and I'm usually able to put in 20 hours a week. My income is low because I can't do half as much as I want to because of pain levels and tiredness. I end up having to nap most afternoons. I push myself sometimes and then need 3-10 days to get back up on my feet .My dad keeps pushing me saying work harder that I will never make it in life and with my business by working this little. My dad helps me financially a bit to pay my rent each month which I am eternally grateful for but he says soon it will stop because I need to work harder. All of this makes me feel soooooo lazy and stupid. I'm always scared that my dad sees me through the lens in which he sees his neighbour. Because in the end of the day I have a similar lifestyle to her because of my illnesses. I am home really often, am low-income and can't work as hard as I am expected to. It fills me with rage and anger because I am so ambitious and creative and full of life but I am stuck in this sick body and I have a lot of internalized negative thoughts towards myself which makes it hard for me to rest fully without feeling guilty and stupid and unproductive as if I should push through. Some days all I can do is brush my teeth, go to an appointment, shower and eat. My dad tells me stuff like "you did barely anything today why didn't you do your taxes while you were on the couch or in the bathroom?" As if I had the energy to do so while shitting my life out or while relaxing my aching body. While i'm fighting to just stay awake. I try to make my dad understand but he doesn't, he tries to but keeps comparing me to folks who have crohns and are in remissions living their life to the fullest, he doesn't realize we all have different realities and are affected in different ways. And his lack of understanding taints my perception of myself which makes it harder to give myself the empathy and love and personal understanding and validation I deserve. I want to unlearn this and love myself with my conditions and the levels of energy I have. Cause when it comes to others I don't see them that way. The illnesses are out of my control and acceptance is so important for my happiness but I always have this voice in my head that tells me to push harder, that I am lazy, that I am just like the lady my dad talked about and how disappointed he must be of me. :( How to unlearn? How to explain to my dad?

I want to add : This text might mot seem like it but my dad is a great person that does so much for me and my siblings I love him so much and that is why I care so much about what he thinks of me. It's just in this sphere he is extremely lacking so no mean stuff on my dad pls only constructive criticism and advice welcome please! I am not excusing his ableism! It's just that my dad has the mentality he does because of his own experiences. He went through a lot and has to do a lot and is expected to do a lot and thus his projecting.