Heads up, long rant with no silver lining, lesson, or anything interesting. I'm just tired and writing my frustration away on a somewhat anonymous platform.

I was in the train, and my headphones (with anc) ran out of battery. A woman saw this as an opportunity to strike up a conversation. Nothing inherently wrong with that, i like chatting and i can use the distraction. But the conversation is always so predictable and 90% the same as I've already had so many times. She asked about my wheelchair, if i was able to get around on my own. "It must be so difficult that you're in a wheelchair. I can't even imagine. You're doing so well considering". She asked what i do for a living. I said I'm on disability and unable to work. "Ah because of the wheelchair".

Here comes the kicker. I'm not disabled by my wheelchair, i can't not work because of my wheelchair. I don't struggle with daily tasks because of my wheelchair. I don't struggle to go outside and function as a normal person because of my wheelchair. My wheelchair is my ticket to freedom. Getting that wheelchair was one of the happiest days of my life.

"Oh but then why can't you work". Well ma'am, I'm actually completely unable to work, and mostly disabled by my autism. "Oh but you don't look autistic. You speak so well. You seem very smart. You're very social for an autistic". It's always the same responses. As if they have a preselected options menu they can choose from. I seem to have taken the role of a walking (or rolling) stigma breaker, and today the repeated conversation just felt too tiresome. I've had this conversation an uncountable amount of times already, and might keep having this for the rest of my life. Always educating, always breaking stigma and explaining disabilities are complex and not usually visible to the naked eye, even if it looks like they are.

I'm frustrated by people, strangers, family, friends, thinking they know what's going on, and acting and talking based on their own prejudice. I'm so tired of needing to explain that no, you can't see what's disabling me. You can't see what i struggle with. You have no qleu, so stop trying to act like you do. Don't give me your wrongful pity, not even your wrongful compassion, because you just don't know what you're talking about. But saying that won't get me anywhere. It won't make me feel better, make life easier, and it won't teach them the complexity of disabilities. So i keep having the same predictable, tiresome conversation, hoping i can open atleast this persons mind just a little bit. Broaden their horizon just enough so they understand the diversity of disabilities, of humans.

Okay that's it Bye now