i watch so many true crime documentaries about men murdering their wives and none of it ever makes sense. why choose to live with the guilt and shame of taking the life of the woman they married and you're freaking kids over the guilt and shame that'd come from divorcing her despite having kids together or having one on the way?

currently watching american murder: laci peterson on netflix and it's so bizarre seeing both of their friends and family describe them as being happy and in love and they're showing all these cute photos of them together yet scott killed her for what... so he could have an affair and not become a father? DUDE. WHO GIVES A SHIT? you're not a criminal mastermind. you're not going to get away with it. watching this documentary and chris' was so frustrating because it's just me constantly going "wow. you did not think any of this through, huh?" just stupid and aggravating as hell.

what is so troubling for me is that neither of these woman could've ever expected that their husband would murder them. in a lot of these kinds of cases, not even their friends and family would suspect their spouse would kill them and it just makes me think about how i really won't know whoever i end up marrying. in the beginning things might be great. literally the most perfect partner ever that i'm madly in love with and who treats me so good. but people change. or maybe they never did change and were just good at hiding the horrible side of them? i don't know. it's just really scary to think about and makes me scared about dating men. i seriously don't know how to overcome this fear and i've somehow convinced myself that i will find myself in this situation.