I am a 42 year old man with a beautiful family and great job, God has given me the desires of my heart except one. One desire I want and have prayed for for decades now, I want to be clean and sober for the remainder of my life and be the man that God has not only called to be but created to be. I relapsed four months ago and have used daily since then. This is not my first relapse but one that I can say I didn’t seen coming. I have no friends that suffer from addiction that inn aware of and my wife has not and is not an addict herself. Our two younger children do not know what Daddy struggles with and I would love to keep it that way until they are older. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?? How and why do I feel like I am in the passenger seat of my own life and then after I use I feel like whatever drove me here has now bailed and left me alone crawling back to the driver’s seat and wondering where I’m at and how do I get back home. I would really like some feedback on my situation please. Thanks.