So I’ll try to keep this as short as possible, please no judgement, I’m trying to better myself, so please only nice things. I’m going to try to keep this short as possible. As a kid I was abused in all ways by my dad, and emotionally abused by my mom as well, they were abusive to each other and I grew up around that believing it was normal. Fast forward to now, I’ve been married 4 years to my husband, we have a son. I am happy. We’ve had some bumps in the road, and now I’m questioning wether I am emotionally abusive, or just hurt? I will list some of my (abusive?) traits below and explanations.

I check my husbands texts, and search history weekly (he previously had a porn addiction and spend our joint money on porn, he has done better lately but still occasionally goes back to porn, and I really do consider porn cheating, he also lies to me a lot, and has hid texts from me in the past, sexting other people)

I am the primary bread winner, but I decide when we spend money and how. (As above he is not financially responsible has blown money at casinos, online, and forgets to pay bills, he does carry money on him, but he can’t spend it without notifying me first)

I have threatened to leave him, and take our son ( about 6 months ago checking his emails I found his subscription ((paid)) for a porn/dating site, he had been sexting other women for awhile, I threatened to leave him and take our son and fight for full custody because I didn’t want our son to turn out like him, I know... that’s awful I was so angry!)

I generally try to avoid seeing his family. (I don’t keep him from them he sees them almost everyday, but I have severe anxiety and his family isnt super fond of me, his mom is also bipolar and her mood swings often trigger bad memories for me, I have PTSD and just being around her can cause episodes on occasion)

This is about it, I love my husband, and he has never told me he felt I was abusive not has anyone else, but I see these as classic signs of abuse, I want to be a good wife, and I don’t want to be like my parents, am I abusive? How can I be better? How can I help him without hurting him?