Married 18 years to my roommate. Days turn into weeks, which turn into months, and then years of no physical intimacy. I don’t care to know the frequency a couple is supposed to be physically intimate with each other, but in our case I’ll say we’ve been married more years than connected sexually.

Is this what God intended for my marriage? A sexless and painfully modest life with a woman that cares nothing for sex? Shouldn’t sex be easy? It seems that way for most….

I do appreciate the finer things in life that I’ve been blessed with. But my self esteem, drive, and self worth as a man is incredibly low. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of rewardless pursuit. I’m tired of the unreciprocated effort. I’m just a person with working body parts that are basically useless to the one they’re meant for.

Unless I move into and live in a box, society is going to be my biggest enemy along with my biggest struggle. Everywhere I look there are couples that are obviously happy and connected with each other. I want to know what it feels like to be wanted, touched, and desired.

I don’t know the purpose of my post here, just aggravated with myself and the life I’ve carefully guarded myself to live. The struggle to stay the corse of Gods plan of marriage is difficult.