OK so I was going through Google to see if God forgives all sins which he does except blasphemy and I look back (baptised at 8 )on my life and my dad once had me put my had on the Bible ( about 5th grade) as you may guess u lied and felt really bad fast forward maybe 5 years and I was an agnostic theist at the time but one morning I said I was fed up BC I woke up to early just to go to church and declared I was agnostic atheist but when a girl (my sister's friend) came in the I claimed to be "Christian" immediately afterward and I took Communion several times as an agnostic Christian and now as a true Christian and with research I feel guilty. I also have aspergers I don't think I ever said "the Spirit is evil" I just had thoughts one day (and things weren't going my right anyway) in my car on my way to work from stressing about the unpardonable "is this a trap is heaven really good place, is God leading the actual right place, is this worth my stress" etc. And many awful thoughts are plaguing my head so did the Holy Spirit leave me because I do not want to go to hell I really need Jesus to exorcise me cause I feel trapped, unguilty, but eaten alive the feeling that usually happens when I'm guilty isn't there and I just came back from winter recharge. One time i said to my girlfriend (spiritual wife now) on videochat "i wish my parents werent religious so i can talk to you longer