I believe I've told this story before on this subreddit, and recently on /r/Atheism you should be able to find it easily. In short, after believing all the things occultists had told me, I decided to praise two demons and ask for their protection from evil spirits. I felt my "mind's eye" get snatched up and I was looking directly into the consciousness of a demon. It was extremely vast and horrifying, about the size of the Earth or more. It left me in panic for 8 hours, unable to calm down and ever since then I sometimes have anxiety attacks. Looking at the sigils and names of demons gives me a horrible adrenaline rush, don't get me started about being in the dark.

But the main point of this post is I don't know who to trust... The occultists tell me that angels/"friendly" humanly spirits are really evil spirits in disguise that wish to leech off of your energy until you either die of depression or you end up living the rest of your life very dull-ly and you become very unsatisfied. These evil spirits are known as "grays," they have a gray slender body with long lanky arms, a wide skull, and black eyes. I don't know what to make of this phenomenon, I've seen images of one via my mind's eye after I went into my original panic attack.

I've heard testimonies from different religions about them. I've heard of atheists who participated in Wiccan rituals and have seen these things and they've outright attacked them and caused them harm. I've heard (from a very reliable source) of a man who's been possessed by one and had to summon a demon just to get rid of it. I've heard all these anecdotes and some of the signs of one they've given me are a human-like presence, as well as pressure around the (fore)head and usually coming in the forms of angels to gain the trust of Christians so they can ruin their lives.

I don't know what spiritual experiences to trust and which ones I should not. I don't know if I can put my trust in God, I don't know if he exists. I don't know if the demon I met intended to hurt me or not or if I'm suffering from trauma that was caused by me dabbling in S-tanism. I don't know who or what to believe, I don't know what spiritual entity is out there to get me or which one is trying to save me. I have yet to find one that has saved me.

But I do remember one night I had a nightmare and I was having full-body muscle spasms and I couldn't stop the tremors. I asked God to stop the anxiety and immediately I felt it all just drain out of me. I have felt energy flow through me, I presume to be the Holy Spirit, while i was humming a song I knew about forgiveness. What I'm worried about is that I got scared by it. It wasn't a peaceful and serene thing like most people would describe when meeting God/Jesus, it was a burst of energy that scared me and made the hair on top of my head stand up (I have short hair, so it's sort of easy). I've never experienced the hair on top of my head stand up, not even when I've listened to some music that really emotionally moved me. That time was different, and somehow it felt spiritually inspired.

Before that, I had my father pray in tongues over me while he laid hands on my chest. Whilst he was praying, nearing the end of it, I felt a conflict between 2 light energies and 1 dark energy. I don't know which one won, I'm assuming the light energies, but it was pretty tremendous.

And the same night I went back to bed and I was completely anxiety free. I couldn't stop thanking Jesus, I felt so relieved and filled with joy and love. I started crying and I went up to hug my father and I told him I had experienced the love of Jesus. I don't know if what I experienced was real, if it was heavenly, if it was a trickster spirit or what. I feel very lost and I don't know who or what to trust.

My humble request is some insight on some of these recent events. I don't know whether to trust God or not, since I don't know if he's real. And what if I do decide to believe he's real and a trickster spirit displays himself to be God and tricks me into getting hurt? I just don't know at this point.

Thank you for reading,

Here is the thread I made for a more in-depth explanation of what I've gone through.

http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1hqsy8/former_atheist_who_has_gone_under_some_spiritual/