About a year and a half ago I came back to the Lord in genuine faith. Repented, went to church, read the bible a ton, etc etc. About 6-7 months I read the passage Dueteronomy 23:2 talking about how bastard childs will not enter into the house of God.(I was born out of wedlock, so im techincally a bastard) So I got angry at God and yelled at him asking him why did you make me. why did you give me to my parents, you knew I was going to be a bastard, etc. And instantly my emotions amd feeling went numb. For about the whole year despite praying and everything else, I never seemed to get emotions back, like I was struck down spiritually for yelling at God. O still beg for mercy to this day. But as mors time went on I backslid into "The Old Man" as it is written. Same sins but a bit worse I guess. And now its difficult to pray because i cant tell if im being sincere. And I cant even read the Bible anymore for unknown reasons (or excuses idek anymore) I see 3:16 everyday on clocks for some reason and I keep seeing things for blashpemy againts the H.S and I know God works in whatever way he sees fit. So my main question now is. Am I screwed? Should I give up? Has God had enough of me? Can I even ATTEMPT to come back to him??