Hello everyone. I’m 20F Pakistani raised in the USA but in a Muslim household. My parents were never that strict with me as long as I didn’t do any of the major things that were forbidden in Islam but they never forced me to wear hijab and not listen to music etc.

I should note that I have mental health issues like OCD, PTSD, and Bipolar disorder. When I was 17 I wasn’t practicing Islam at all and I felt empty and wanted something to believe in, but something about Christianity seemed to be calling my name so I decided to research it and I fell in love with it… for like a week. Then I began to have huge panic attacks and thought that I would go to hell if I pick the “wrong” religion and I didn’t know what to do. I decided to just stick to being Muslim because it was what my family believed in so it would be easy in that sense and because I never really understood the trinity.

As stated earlier, my family’s approach Islam wasn’t very strict but then I started going down the internet rabbit hole and coming across really scary and harsh aspects of Islam I had never seen before. I began to obsessively follow this type of Islam and I didn’t agree with most of it but thought that I had to. My family was worried about me and one day I just broke and decided I can’t live life like that anymore. I still loved Allah, but I fell out of love with the Prophet after coming across some really disturbing Hadiths.

I stopped wearing the hijab 2 years ago and don’t have a problem with alcohol. I just don’t think I can be a Muslim anymore. I still believe in one God/creator so my options now are either Christianity or Agnosticism.

Almost every Christian person I’ve ever met has been super kind and wholesome. I’ve been to churches and worship nights before and it was beautiful. I guess I just can’t let go of the Islamic belief that God can’t be triune? Btw I mean no disrespect, I’m just trying to see if I can learn about it more. I’d love to learn more about Christianity and have some respectful discussions.

I’m not sure if all of my religious beliefs changing have been influenced by my Bipolar Disorder but I’m trying to trust myself and have an open mind.