I’m a Christian reaching a point to where I don’t want to abstain anymore. I’ve begun fasting this week because I’m hoping God gives me some sort of sign or hope to keep holding out and waiting, but my faith is at the point of being smaller than a mustard seed.

I won’t beat around the bush, I’ve been dealing with really intense sexual desire for years, and it’s gotten to a point where it’s where my brain goes by default if I’m not intentionally working or something.

To go past all the usual comments, yes, I attend church, yes I read the word, yes I’m putting myself out there, yes I’m trying to better myself and pray and beg but I’m exhausted. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I do have friends, I’m in a co-ed fraternity, but when I’m alone everything feels so empty I feel physically ill or like I’m in pain. I’m tired of it.

If you have had or do have sex outside of marriage, is it really as bad or unfulfilling as Christians say? I’m open to talking privately about people’s views or life.

Edit: For clarification, I don’t live in a frat house, we aren’t popular enough to have one lol. If I did things would be significantly worse. I live alone as a commuter student. I was homeschooled my whole life then had to do my first two years of college online thanks to the pandemic. The past two years have been my first real in-person academic situation, but there are very few Christian groups and churches I’ve managed to become connected to, let alone can even fit into my insane college schedule.