Help me want to stop.

I know I should stop for me and my relationships. Especially for God and my fiancée... really to love me again. So I can love others better it's affecting my time, my emotions. My attitude.

I was addicted for 7 years before from like 12 to like 23 I think then I stopped for a while and I was free from it. Then I met my fiancée... who doesn't really care for it. But she would watch stuff sometimes and show me. I told her I didn't want to do that cuz I didn't want to relapse or go back. At first she didn't care as much but she eventually she stoped "grown ups have sex, it's ok!"

(Yes they do, but porn isn't the healthiest to bond.) specially when I'm on a path to change) Side note: She came up to me showed me a twerking video and got mad at me for saying the woman had a booty!!! 👀

Anyway as time went on, we've gotten off tract and off the same page. We both had in our heads we were cheating on each other. (Triggers and more triggers) and one day I decided to watch porn to get back with her (accepting accountability) and I felt bad at first. Kinda still feel bad now. But but we've been through hell back. and I realize this post is about to have me eaten alive on this post. But I have to tell the truth. After learning that this addiction is costing me my sanity and relationships and can get worse. I want to love God and my family and myself again, and stop hurting everyone! It bothers me that I justify and I don't care and willingly do it while nobody's home.

I've downloaded the fortify app, started therapy and still looking for a couple accountability partners...