I don't suggest you talk to your Pastors or other religious leaders in your Church about lifestyle topics. I don't mean that as a dialog about shame and sin, its a dialog about fairness.

While I actively seek out other Christians in the lifestyle, I do so at a distance from the Church. We have to remember that there are a large number of Christians who look at our choices and exclaim it to be a "sin" and that we should be excommunicated.

I have had this discussion with many Pastors who while they may not approve or at best are passive about our choice in expressing Recreational Sex, are very dedicated when it comes to maintaining that bond of confidentiality between Pastor and congregation member(s).

Fairness comes into play in so much as those who carry an extreme stance on anything and are willing to express their displeasure with strong activism, can go after a Pastor. Churches fire Pastors all of the time for a variety of reasons. So if I am outed, I don't want to have a Pastor state that he / she was aware of my behaviors.

Plus as many of you who have worked closely with your Church (I have served on many committees) know that there are some who become very enamored with their religious leaders and this can lead to some very uncomfortable situations that a Pastor has to resolve. A Pastor's job is hard enough - don't add to that burden.

I will close with the fact that I do know Pastors who are in the lifestyle. All of those I have met are married and I have encountered them from many Christian faiths. The are lovely, and loving couples who just like me, are seeking out other couples with which to share both life and sexual experiences. Some are software swap and some are alt swap (where everything is ok except for vagina intercourse). Out of respect for the Church, leave your sexual adventures in the parking lot and do your best to make the late service after you have been out having a good time all night.