I had a lovely dialog on DM about what attracts me to a male as a "play partner". When I put this into perspective, it is a subset of what I was looking for in a husband and the ongoing expectations I have in my marriage with my husband.

Before I delve to much into the topic, there is the elephant in the room that tends to be an issue more amongst women than men. Have I ever "taken one for the team"? The answer is a partial yes. I have deviated from my "standards" for the sake of my husband's pleasure. More on that at the end.

While the instant hook-up has happened, its generally rare for us as a couple. We may know a couple or a solo for a year before we would consider playing with them. We have had the occasional instant-hook-up while on the Couples Lifestyle Cruises and Hotel Takeovers such as Naughty in N'awlins. But in our home state of Nevada, we enjoy a zero-pressure, slow to discover pace for new playmates. Plus we have so many regular playmates that we love getting together with on a regular basis.

So topic pause... we do know couples who are Christian in the lifestyle, active in Church in our Nevada Social Circles and we "play". We find that all of these couples tend to approach new relationships with new playmates in a very similar fashion to how my husband and I approach it. Sometimes we find out that they are Christian much later on. Oh and for the record... I have yet to find a couple where one or the other has not taken one for the team [usually her]. Back on topic...

So let's address looks. Most men, including my husband, have more of an issue getting past looks. And its an issue for them, because if they are not "turned on", its can be pretty obvious. I am proud that in some situations, my husband has placed other traits above looks! But for him to get past the "looks" issue, he really has to get to know the woman and develop a strong friendship bond. Once that happens, the looks issues falls way down on his "standards ladder".

Relevant side note. I do enjoy having sex with women too, but most of the same standards apply, there are some differences and the order where they fall in my priorities is different for female playmates. For example, sexual skills is #2, looks are #3 for me when it comes to a woman.

So what are my "standards" and why?

1. How does he treat his spouse? This is mostly observations of him, but also smart questions to learn more to her.
   
2. Personal Hygiene - must be cleaned, groomed, and smell nice.
3. Are his personality traits, does he check his ego at the door. Can he be strong and kind, naughty and nice. Alpha yet sensitive. This is where we screw up men and confuse the crap out of them.
4. Sexual Skills - I pay attention and you have got to know how to pleasure a woman.
5. Looks - I am into eyes, smile, and yes I enjoy a nice body, but a Dad-bod is more common and perfectly ok.
6. Ability to have a conversation and fill in the awkward gap if we finish before our husbands and wives are pleasured out.

My husband and I are also big on observing the strength of the relationship. Are they happy, committed, respectful, loving to each other and most of all are they united and have become "as one person".

So I promised I would finish the topic of "taking one for the team". Before you do this, make sure to discuss it first. Have the "Honey... I am not that into him discussion", but I know you are really into her, am I right about that? You may find out that he might not be the interested in her and may not want you to take one for the team. In fact, a good husband should never want you to take one for the team. But if he is hemming and hamming his response and you are ready and motivated to Take one for the Team!, then encourage him like this...

Honey, you never know, she might be a lot of fun to play with and oh by the way, I saw the cutest shoes on Amazon...